One True Love

Chapter 8

A/N Wow. Just wow. Um…last letters. Then we'll be going to the future, possibly. Haha. Sorry if it's sucky. 

09/07/07

Dear Melissa,

Wow. It's been a year without you. The day you left is still buried deep inside my head, replaying 24/7. 

I've been sending you these letters with no regrets. I've sent you one everyday. One letter, 365 days. And yet, I still haven't heard back from you. Don't you know how much it hurts? 

I've never given up on these letters for I hoped that one day, you'll answer back. But I never got a letter back. 

Is it because you already have gotten over me? Is it that you hate me now for disturbing and annoying you? Or is it because you don't want to talk to me, and that you're pushing me away? Whatever is your excuse, I hope that these letters were proof of me at least fighting back for our love. The love that had. 

That pure lust. Pure love. The sparks that you send throughout my body as our skin touches. That feeling you make me have whenever I hear your voice, or whenever I steal a glimpse of you. 

The things you make me feel and do. And I miss it. I still look at the picture of us hugging. That picture that Gemma stole. You were mad, but I was fine. It was nothing, because now, I'm happy she took it. It reminds me of the things we used to have and do. The happy days, even if your dad got crossed at us. 

I might've lost hope of us having that chance again here in Holmes Chapel, but there's always 1% of me that knows for sure why I'm staying single for you. Because as cliche as it sounds, my heart only beats for you, and my mind is consistant about the thoughts of you. Whether we're far apart, or growing apart, I still live for you. 

Babe, if I can call you babe, I almost...well, where do I even start?

The thought of you not answering my letters, not even one, made me weaken emotionally. Then, two months before, someone punched me, kicked me, slapped me, and raped me. I didn't bother putting it in the previous letters, but now that I think this might be the last one I write to you,  I'm putting it here. 

I have been weakening, both physically and emotionally. You were the person that helped me stand my ground, but knowing that you never replied back, it hurt me. More than ever. 

Now, here's were it gets important. This news can make anyone speechless because of how strong they know I am. 

After I wrote you yesterday's letter, I walked towards the bathroom and decided that I shouldn't be living like this. You are my world, but that's all I know. I opened that little cabinet that I told you never to open. It hid all my thoughts. 

Before I met you, or even talked to you at least, I was planning on taking my life. But when you came in, I knew I couldn't risk my life. Not at all. 

Now, that my dignity and courage is gone, I got insane. I decided to open that little cabinet after all those years and maybe months.

I saw the brown rope, all tangled up waiting for me to use it. The pill bottles that can help me take my life away from me. Then, there's that knife. A sharp ended knife that knows I much I can't handle it anymore. 

Guess which one I chose. 

The rope. 

I was actually chuckling at the thought of the rope. Last night, I swore, I thought I heard it laugh with me. 

I hung it up on my ceiling, wrote a note to my Mum and Gemma, and got up on a chair, wrapping the rope along my neck. 

It was a goodbye thing for me, but you know why I'm still here writing this to you? Why I'm still alive even though I shouldn't be?

You. You were my reason for staying alive. Staying strong. 

Before I even tightened the grip of the rope against my neck and kicking off the chair, I had a vision. It sounds crappy, doesn't it? But guess what. It wasn't for me. 

I imagined you living with a great guy that you loved. Loved more than me. Our love, Melissa, our love, couldn't compare to the lust you had for this guy. You lived happily, with three children. The children grew up, and you and your husband grew up, old and fragile, but still had that lust whenever you saw him. 

I couldn't…I just couldn't stand that. I don't want you to be married with another guy. As selfish as I am, I only wanted you to be mine, and you calling me yours. 

That's when I thought I knew love. I decided to just keep fighting, no matter what it took. 

I know how much it feels to be unwanted Mel, but being unwanted from you is unacceptable. I can't imagine it. 

So, if you don't reply, it still wouldn't matter. Because you are mine, and I'll be yours. 

We'll live happy together when we see each other. 

I think I'm going insane now. You see what I'm talking about Mel? 

You're my one and only, and you're staying like that. 

My one and only, true love. 

I love you Melly. This may be the last letters I write to you, but in my heart, I know it never really is over. 

Dearly yours and forever, 

Harry Styles