"Ayoko na, dad. Ang sakit-sakit na..."
Pilit siyang pinatatahan ng ama, pero nagmistulang bukal ang mga mata niya. Hindi na talaga niya kaya. Maghapon na niyang tinitiis ang sakit.
"Nakaya mo nga ng tatlong taon e. What's another day?"
He may be right. What's another day compared to three years? But those years were different. Sa loob ng mahigit isang libong araw, malayong-malayo sa kanya ni Ken. Malayo yung pinagmumulan ng sakit niya. Now he's here and everything just hurts a little more.
It's because of the fact that he's so near and yet he still remained unreachable. Unattainable. Unavailable.
It's harder this way, being this close to him. Para kang tinatakam ng pagkaing hindi rin naman ipakakain sa 'yo kahit gutom na gutom ka na and you've been craving for that food for so long.
"Do you want me to take you home?" tanong ng daddy niya.
Tumango na lamang sya.
She thanked her father silently dahil hindi sila dumaan sa loob. Kahit medyo malayo ang nilakad nila dahil inikot pa nila yung lugar for the exit, ayos lang sa kanya. Mas gugustuhin nyang manakit ang paa niya sa kalalakad kaysa makitang pinag-uusapan na naman siya ng mga taong minsang naging malapit sa kanya.
Nang makauwi sila, her dad made sure that she's okay before going back to the reception. Kailangan kasi nitong bumalik para may maghahatid pauwi sa mommy at mga kapatid niya. Nagkulong siya sa kwarto, still in her gown. Wala syang lakas para magpalit ng damit. She curled up in bed and cried her heart out.
Sa isang araw lang ng muli nilang pagkikita, bumalik lahat yung sakit na pinilit niyang ibaon ng tatlong taon. It was one thing to be blamed for one mistake. It was painful enough. Pero yung titingnan ka pa nila na parang sinasabing 'mabuti nga sa 'yo', it was something else.
At mas masakit pala kapag nakita mong yung taong dahilan ng sakit mo, masaya na sa piling ng iba. It's like you're all alone, battling your own pain without anyone lending a hand to ease the hurt.
She tried to sleep. Kailangan niyang matulog. Masakit na rin ang mata niya kaiiyak, kailangan nang ipahinga. Pero sa tuwing ipipikit niya ang mga mata niya, all she could see is Ken, with Aubrey. Dancing to the music. Smiling sweetly. Happy.
So instead, she just let her eyes remain open, her tears falling as she tried to bring down the ceiling by staring at it.
Matagal-tagal din siyang nakipagtitigan sa kisame bago siya dalawin ng antok. And before succumbing to sleep, she let out a sigh, thankful because finally she can rest, for now.
--
"Ken, where are you? Our flight will leave in two hours!" Aubrey ranted over the phone.
"I'm just nearby. I'll see you at the airport," sabi niya rito.
"Don't go too far, okay?"
"I won't."
"Okay. I'll see you later. Love you!"
"Bye."
He ended the call. He needed to be alone right now. Ang orihinal na plano, aalis na sila pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng kasal. Aubrey didn't even let him near the champagne to make sure that he'll be able to fly to Canada the next day.
But seeing Ahn changed everything. Now, he's torn between staying and leaving again.
Gusto niyang takasan ang sakit, magpakalayo-layo. But a part of him knows that he will die a more painful death if he leaves again.
