Kill me softly - Minsung

Chapter 3

           

Jisung got woken up by the loud music pondering through the apartment. A slight headache wove through his brain. He groaned and turned over, trying to block out the sound, but it didn't help. After about 10 minutes he gave up and reached over to his phone. It was impossible to fall asleep again, so he opened Instagram and Twitter to get up to date, secretly hoping new gossip would let his brain forget that he was hungover. He, Changbin and Chan weren't the biggest thing in Korea but they definitely had some fans, many international ones for whatever reason. He looked through the 3racha tag and saw that he had been spotted outside and inside the club by a few people who took pictures. On one he was dragged by a brown haired boy of which you could only see the back, whereas Jisung himself was fully visible, a big smile across his face. The boy was Lee Know. Suddenly Jisung remembered, dropped his phone and sat up in his bed. "Fuck.", he mumbled. Rubbing his head which was throbbing now. Still hungover, he mentally noted.

It wasn't the fact that he kissed a boy. Well it kind of was since Jisung didn't think he'd ever have the guts to do it. It was rather the fact that he just went out, drank and made out with some stranger. Jisung knew that he wasn't straight. At least not totally, he just never got the idea of limiting himself to one gender only. He didn't want to put a label on himself though, so he basically never told anyone because everyone always wanted to know „what he was" but Jisung didn't care, he just wanted love because it's way too beautiful to only be shared between some certain genders.

He reached to his phone again and read the caption under the picture of him and Lee Know which was still there. "He looks so happy uwu. Wondering who the other guy is, anybody know his @ ?", it said. Jisung guessed he really felt happy yesterday, but now that his headache was kicking in and the realization of what he did in the club, the last night didn't seem so good anymore. He scrolled further through the tag, afraid that someone might've seen him making out with that Lee Know guy and then took a picture. Jisung might not care that much but there were people who did. But he found nothing, also if a picture like that really had been uploaded it would've spread like a wild fire.
He sighed and decided to get up. Chan was still producing tracks on his Computer as he went into the kitchen and made himself some tea. He also got a single piece of toast but, as his stomach immediately protested against it as he took a bite of it, he decided to only settle for the tea, with which he now sat on one of the bar stools behind their counter, hands wrapped around it.

As the counter was facing into the living room in which Chan had his working desk and all his instruments in,  Jisung watched him for a little bit while he was waiting for his tea to cool down. He couldn't say if Chan was up early and worked already or if he even went to sleep and was still working.

"Chan-Hyung.", Chan didn't look away from the screen but tilted his head a tad into Jisung's direction.
"When did you get up, have you eaten already?", Chan really was an amazing Leader, producer and rapper but sometimes he forgot that he himself still was the most important person he had to take care of, and not all of the others.
"I woke up like 4 hours ago and yes I already ate something. I'm good.", finally he looked at Jisung. "Unlike you, you don't look so good."
"Oh wow, thank you.", Jisung rolled his eyes and took a sip of his tea. He cussed under his breath as he burned his tongue.
"Where have you been yesterday?", Chan took off his headphones and turned his chair to face him.
"He was enjoying Seoul's nightlife.", Changbin came in, holding his phone up. Jisung only got a glimpse of the picture that he was showing, but saw that it was the one in which Lee Know was dragging him through the club, right after he punched that guy for Jisung. He smiled as he remembered it.
"Oh, really?", Chan was surprised.
"Yeah, just like that.", Changbin crossed his arms and looked at Jisung, highly judging. Chan who was holding Changbins phone looked up at him too, eyebrows drawn together, Jisung sighed. He knew that they weren't fond of drinking and partying because they wanted to focus on their career and stuff like drugs were nothing but a distraction. But it's not like Jisung didn't take the chance JYP gave him seriously. He just wanted to feel different for one night. Like somebody who doesn't need to worry about a single thing and just lives like everyone else.
"Yes, I was. And yes, I was drinking and yes, I probably looked like a fool while dancing but I don't care."
"Why did you even go there? And why were you drinking?", Chan still looked worried and not really happy.
"I don't know. I just wanted to.", Jisung didn't want to explain all of it to them. They would understand it he was sure, but it was way too much to explain and he really didn't want to interact that much right know.
"You simply went out to party because you just wanted to?", Changbin still had his arms crossed.
"Dear god yes I did, stop acting like my parents.", with that Jisung stood up and went to his room. He knew that they only cared about him but Jisung wasn't really in control of his feelings lately, since they were either totally gone or all over the place and smallest thing shoved him over the edge. He felt like a teenager all over again and that made him sick.
He looked out of the window and saw that the sky was plastered in grey clouds but it was still autumn, so he grabbed his sport clothes and went for a run.

Aggressive electric music was pounding through his earphones in the loudest way possible but it felt really empowering. He ran and ran and ran and didn't even realize how far he had come until he realized in what park he was. He stopped and caught his breath. Jisung realized that the heavy feeling in his chest that he had for the last few weeks, that stood like a barrier between him and the rest of the world, got lighter and lighter while running and had the feeling that the deep breathes that he was taking, contained air so much fresher and newer than all the other breathes he had taken before.