bts pt.2 // kim seokjin //

scene 35

"Hyung?"

Great, another hyung- wait, he was supposed to be alone.

"Jungkook?"

Seokjin peeked from the couch, confused on why the younger was home.

"I thought you had extra lessons?" Seokjin asked, sitting up properly from lying down.

Jungkook shrugged. "Noona sent me home instead. She had some errands to run." He said before dropping his bag on the floor, following suit beside Seokjin.

Jungkook sighed when he leant on his hyung's shoulder, getting comfortable as if Seokjin was a pillow.

"Am I like your body pillow right now?" Seokjin raised an eyebrow jokingly towards the other.

Heaving a sigh, Jungkook closed his eyes and smiled. "A soft one, you could say."

Seokjin shook his head, turning back to the television that played Bandersnatch. At the sight of the movie, Jungkook raised an eyebrow.

"Are you seriously watching this?" He asked in disbelief, looking at the movie.

"Why not?" Seokjin commented a she turned to glance at the younger.

"Isn't it a bit, weird? Like the story line is just too hard understand." Jungkook replied, staring at the movie that was waiting for a decision.

Seokjin tilted his head. "Not really, honestly." He mumbled, enough to be heard by Jungkook. "People just don't try to understand. I mean, the author doesn't even understand as well."

Jungkook looked up at his hyung who continued to stare at the flat screen.

"Picture this," Seokjin started. "You want to achieve something, perhaps a goal or a standard, an aim. You want to reach for that aim. Unfortunately, you aren't capable of it. Maybe capable, but you are not stable enough to go through the process of achieving that goal."

"The main character, I don't bother knowing his name, is just like that." Jungkook chuckled at Seokjin's side comment but went back to listening intently. "I mean, you have to decided for him. He has no choice whether to kill his father. Either he buries his father or chop his body. Trust me, I wished I had more choices."

Seokjin heaved a sigh. "He was suffering. He was seeing a psychiatrist. He, I suspect, has a mental illness I am not so sure about." He said, crossing his arms across his chest. "He wasn't stable. But he still pushed the goal he had. He was willing to do anything just to get his game out. So willing he even killed his own father."

"People focus on the supposedly objective which is, try to get a perfect rating." The older relied. "But they don't understand what the main character was really portraying. Even though I can't put how I see him into words, I really related to him."

Jungkook turned to the other, eyeing him curiously. "How so, hyung?"

Seokjin sighed. "I really want to achieve the one goal. I've tried everything just to achieve it."

"What's that?" The maknae questioned.

"To reach your standards."

Jungkook looked at the elder, eyes wide. "What do you mean-?"

"To shine on stage with you guys. To actually be one of you guys."

"I see those people who would technically judge me both from afar and close up. I hear those unsatisfied comments and disappointed sighs from everyone around me." He said, not caring if he had to make a choice in the movie as he looked at the remote that was on his palms. "It used to inspire me, to push me to do better."

Seokjin smiled, a sad one to be exact. "Until I never got better." He muttered. "I took all the judging, sighs, words to heart. Embraced all the flaws that outnumbered the good things I had."

"Don't get me wrong, Kookie. I tried fighting it." He said, laughing lowly. "But I guess all the negativity just piled up, y'know? To the point I just gave up." 

Jungkook eyed the older, noticing how Seokjin held back the tears. He could hear the pumping of the elder's heart from where he laid.

"I then thought, maybe the goal I wanted to achieve was to see you guys shine on the stage." He smiled bitterly. "This is where the movie comes in."

Jungkook tilted his head, eager to know what his hyung meant.

"The only way to achieve that goal was to kill someone."

Eyes widened in realization as Seokjin inhaled.

"I guess that was the only option I had." He said, leaning deeper on the couch. "I was the one held you guys back. You could've done better if I weren't here. You would've been the best without me-"

"Hyung?"

Seokjin turned to Jungkook, who he didn't realize was sitting up already, looking at him straight in the eye.

"Yes?"

"BTS won't be known worldwide if we never had a Worldwide Handsome."

Seokjin didn't realize he had tears rolling down his cheeks. It was a childish comeback but his heart went soft. He felt himself be pushed into someone's chest. He didn't know he was already sobbing.

"BTS willd never be here if it weren't for JinHit."

For once, Seokjin didn't feel burdened when he let out the laugh that fluttered millions of hearts.