bts pt.2 // kim seokjin //

scene 25

"That's too gorey, you'll mess up your clothes. Find another."

Reopening all cuts is out of the list then.

"Good alternative, but too peaceful, you aren't even sure if you'll feel pain when you take it. You simply choke. You always do Find for another one."

Not hanging then.

"Too gorey as well, you'll be dead in an instant. You'll only fear, no pain."

So not jumping off a building then?

"No."

How 'bout-

"Not a bridge."

Okay then.

"Sleep."

Sleep?

"Sleeping pills. You'll suffer slowly. In the end you'll die anyways. And you won't regret it."

So you're saying...

"Overdose yourself."

Sleeping pills it is.

Seokjin slipped the bottle of pills from his drawer, his grip tightening. He'd be lying if he said he's scared of what he plans to do.

His hand grazes over the board that held secrets, the secrets that held all those thoughts that had been consuming him so much. He lifts it, carrying out of the nail that held the board. He laid it back faced up on his bed, covering it, moving it underneath the sheets.

He didn't think of anything. His mind was blank as he unconsciously eyed the bottle in his hands that was half way filled. He had been taking one at a time for a while, now look at him.

He looked at his reflection through the translucent bottle. His hair was neatly comb, he even put a bit of tint on his lips to cover up the paleness.

For the first time in a while, he felt at ease. He didn't worry. He wasn't anxious. He felt peaceful for once. Not because he had nothing his mind. But because he made a solid decision already.

He was no longer in control of himself. At the moment, with the thought of ending his life right there and now, he'll admit that he had lost his mind.

He no longer fought the demons. They didn't leave him. Instead, he embraced them. Like he was supposed to. He accepted them with open arms. He'd rather accept his own demons that were there with him the entire time than go with those people who kept on whispering lies and truths that he didn't listen to. Call him a masochist and all that, but in his eyes, normal human beings were the ones being masochists. He'd rather feel the acceptance and reality of pain rather than the neglecting fantasies of euphoria.

Seokjin sat on the side of his bed, admiring the bandages that remained to be around his forearms. Not really caring, not really thinking, he pulled them off vigorously, not flinching.

He examined the variety of old and recent ones. For once, he looked disgusted at what he did. Well, it's not like he hasn't felt disgusted of himself already.

He traced his free hand across the bumps before pulling down the long sleeves that he didn't know wete pulled up. Shakily, he twisted the cap of the bottle. The familiar white pills greeted his palm as he plucked them out the chamber until none was spared. It filled his entire palm, maybe two times the amount Jimin could hold.

Seokjin unknowingly smiled. Just the thought of his dongsaeng made him soft, a pang of guilt made his way to his chest.

He eyed the frame that held a picture, a family portrait, of the entire group. It was the one when they won their first Daesang. The award that changed their lives. The awards that changed his life. In a bad way.

But despite all those, he smiled when he saw the faces of his youngers, tears glistening in their eyes, yet, a smile on their lips.

Seokjin mirrored the smile, laughing at how far they've come. At how far he's come. Before he knew it, tears were falling.

"A picture won't stop me. Forgive me."

"Hyung, we have take out-"