bts pt.2 // kim seokjin //

scene 29

"J-Jaehwan,"

The said man stood in place, taking a long time in letting the sight sink in.

Tears pooled the younger's eyes when he saw the older look at him with wide eyes. Misinterpreting the look Jaehwan gave him, he started shaking, his breath hitching.

"I-It's not what you think it is. I-I-" Seokjin stuttered, looking around frantically, his voice shaking.

He felt himself get pulled from his position, going outside. He didn't have the energy to fight back, no, he didn't fight back at all. He was so used to being pushed and pulled by forces, both physically and mentally. He just let himself move around, wherever they want him to go. It was as if he simply gave up trying to go somewhere, instead, let the wind take him where he went. Go with the flow.

He was brought to the kitchen, being sat down abruptly. He watched Jaehwan take a clean piece of cloth, letting water run on it before heading back towards him. Seokjin pulled his arm to his chest, staining the clothes he wore.

He pressed it deeply to his chest, causing more blood to flow out. Jaehwan could've sworn Seokjin was slowly being pale.

"Seokjin," Seokjin looked up to see Jaehwan's hand outstretched, his soft call ringing in his mind.

Why isn't he pushing him away?

Seokjin breathed out, his arm getting loosed from his chest. As if a sign of acknowledgment, Jaehwan took hold of Seokjin's hand, slowly stretching his arm above the table.

He felt numb.

He watched the older work on his wounds on both his arms. Despite feeling it sting a bit, he didn't budge nor give any look. His eyes remained bloodshot, he wasn't sniffling. His breathing was still slow but raspy.

Why isn't he yelling at him?

It was silent. The only thing you would hear were their own breaths, Seokjin's hitching from time to time.

The other started to wrap a bandage across each forearm of Seokjin, as gently as possible.

Seokjin just stared at the man who looked up and gave him a small smile. The type of smile that seems to feel satisfying when you slap it off their lips.

That's what Seokjin feels.

He wants to slap the smile off Jaehwan's face. He wanted him to snap to reality. It was as if he can't accept the fact that Jaehwan wasn't screaming, wasn't scolding, wasn't angry at him.

"There, all done." Jaehwan exclaimed softly, smiling once again. He lightly patted the bandages before looking at Seokjin in the eyes.

"Do you mind explaining?"

Seokjin pursed his lips, tears already gathering. He didn't want to explain. He was filled with mixed emotions. Anger and frustration when Jaehwan doesn't look mad one bit. Happy that he was giving him a chance explain. Nervous that he has to explain. Scared and anxious for what he will think.

"Seokjin?"

He felt his fingers intertwine with someone else's. He shakily looked up to Jaehwan's face, a concerned look on his face, eyes that seemed to plead.

"Please tell me what's wrong."

What?

Seokjin stared at the other's eyes that were glistening. At the moment, he was dreading to see the older's eyes glisten from happiness, not because of this.

"Why were you on a bridge, crying in the middle of the rain?"

What?

"I wanted to take a stroll."

"Se-okjin-ah." Jaehwan choked.

It was Seokjin's turn to have glistening eyes.

"We know that wasn't a simple 'stroll under the rain' a while ago. And what I witnessed just a minute ago just seemed to confirm my hypotheses." He said straightly, as if he was explaining everything that happened to something fragile. Someone fragile. And just by what he saw a while ago, Seokjin was fragile. "Now, Seokjin, for the last time,"

Seokjin stared into Jaehwan's eyes. Tears were streaming from them, somehow creating a lump in Seokjin's throat. He was watching, and the reason, why his friend was crying and begging.

"Please. What's wrong?" He pleaded, gripping the younger's hands, the fingers laced around.

Everything. Everything was wrong.

He thought of every reason why he had come up to this point. From being abandoned, rejected, neglected, yelled at, mistreated, shamed. All those things.

The war that occured in his mind constantly, trying to look okay and fine in front of his youngers. Trying to stay strong and composed as the demons attack unexpectedly.

The embracing of the demons, the war finally ending. And he lost. He let the demons control him. Thinking of such things, outcomes, anxiety closely consuming him. But he was no longer fighting it. He simply gave up and let those creatures reign over his mind, his body, physically and mentally.

Exhaustion took a toll of him. He can't take it anymore. Which brought him to the sleeping pills, the caught-in-act, the run, and now, the confrontation. The time when he admits, acknowledges and accepts what he really feels. Giving in to the right people, and not the demons.

"I'm tired."

And let him tell you. Those two words weren't easy to say.

Seokjin was already crying. He was sobbing into the older's shoulder when Jaehwan pulled him towards him. He didn't know how it happened. It just did.

I'm tired.

"I'm so tired."