Big Brothers

Hey, Stranger

Alright, school is tomorrow and I'm freaking out. I thought I was fine! I was totally fine! I'm shitting bricks, now. Oh god. I have no idea what to wear. What's appropriate? Shorts should be fine, right? 

I sigh in frustration. My closet is full of clothes but yet I can't find one outfit. Why does this happen the day before school? I need a break. I walk downstairs to grab a snack. I'm definitely grateful for the snacks mom buys. Sadly, I have to eat it quick before the boys do. I stop in my tracks once I notice Dylan in the kitchen. I was thinking of getting some strawberries and search the Internet for some outfit ideas. How do I do it without being awkward? 

Mom never lets us eat upstairs. If she saw me eating in my room, she'd give me a whole life lesson on how bugs and rats will get into my room. She thinks I'm my brothers. At least I actually clean my room. I can proudly say that there's never a time where something is dirty. I like to be clean in my room and make it feel comfortable when I feel sad or something. It honestly works. 

Okay, maybe I'm overthinking it. All he'll do is  watch me. He won't talk. Which is the uncomfortable part but I'll be on my phone. Just... won't pay attention. I walk, fairly quickly, into the kitchen. Like I expected, he looks up at me. He doesn't say a word. I grab a bowl and put about 10 strawberries. I peek at my phone once or twice to kill the tension. 

"Ready for school?" He speaks.

That catches me off guard. I accidentally drop one of my strawberries on the floor. He scared me. He never speaks to me! Why now? I pick it up and wash the rest under the sink, quickly. Why would he want to know? He seems chill about the whole idea. Just be normal. He's your brother after all. 

"I'm freaking out." I answer.

Great. We're going to have a conversation. Might as well sit at the table with him. I pour out the water from the bowl and walk over to sit next to him. He seems confused at my act. I am too, honestly. We never really speak. Mom said to just talk to him about it. We can start slow. 

"What's freaking you out?" Dylan asks.

"The whole thing. New friends, new school, new teachers. I need to build a whole new reputation. Last year, I was created into this shy, lonely girl. This is a challenge. I have to be... nonshy and nonlonely..." I take a bite of my strawberry. "I can't have guy friends either so it'll be weird."

Dylan clears his throat. It's true. It was cute in elementary school. I really thought my brothers would move on from the whole thing. People are going to think I have no freedom. Then my reputation is going to be back to lonely. 

"We're just trying to protect you. You saw how mom ended up. We don't want that for you." He answers.

Is that really why? Because of dad, they don't want me having at least a friend who's a boy. Do they not trust me enough to pick the right one? It's not like I'm going to open my legs to the first one I come in contact with. I saw how it happened, too. Or at least from what I remember. It's a good reason why I should be careful. I can put my own limits. They didn't need to guard me from every guy...

"So, because of dad's actions, I'm being punished for it." I say.

Somehow, someway, dad's still here. I'm starting to think that he's the reason why our family is the way it is. He's the reason why my brothers are always on guard. He's the reason why mom doesn't trust guys anymore. This isn't fair. I'm not him. 

"That's not what I meant—-"

"No. It's fine, I get it. He's the reason for everything that we are." I start to tear up. "You know... when I was little, he was everything I wanted to be. I... I was always so attached to him."