Big Brothers

123

Author's Note!
Hello reader! There is reference to suicide in this chapter. If you are sensitive to this topic, please don't read this chapter. I love each and everyone of you, who ever out there feels alone in the world... you are very important and valued, even if it feels like the contrary.

Happy reading !
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"Mom cheated?" I whisper.

"Yes..." Jason sighs. "It's why they'd argue so much. Dad couldn't live with the thought of you not being really his. So he left."

I feel a knot form in my stomach. I feel sick. All this time I thought it was him who left. He was the bad guy. But now... now it's me. I'm the reason. And no one told me. They let me believe he was my dad, my hero. The one male figure in my life I loved the most, isn't even my blood. Who's my father then? Where could he be? Why did mom cheat? From my memory, he was everything a woman could ever want. I know he wasn't perfect, but he made it work. And mom just didn't see it. She... she broke us. Or maybe, she started it but I finished it...?

"I'm sorry, Lea." Jason speaks again. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Nothing is your fault."

Now that the truth was set free, he realizes how much isn't my fault.

"I'm so sorry. I think I was just looking for someone to yell at. I couldn't do it with Alexander or Christian. You're the only one here." He continues. "Lea... my gosh."

He covers his face with his hands. Out of the two of us that should be falling apart is me. I should be the one covering my face in embarrassment, in pain, in frustration.

"Now you're sorry?" I can feel tears falling down my cheeks faster than ever. "I don't want your sorry. I don't want any of this. I want nothing to do with you.. or-or- this family."

"Lea-"

"Everything I do crumbles in front of me. Maybe that was how I was meant to be. I'm a bastard daughter." I let the truth sink into my heart and mind.

I don't know what I feel anymore. It's not numb because I imagine I wouldn't be crying this much. I can't catch my breath. There isn't much to say anymore. There isn't more to do. Maybe if I just disappear, take myself out of the equation, everything would be better. I quickly run to the front door, ignoring my half-brothers screams. I run every which way to lose him. I just want to be gone. Alone won't fix what's happened.

As I keep running, I feel something vibrate on my thigh. I forgot I have my phone with me. I don't bother pulling it out to see who it is. It has to be Jason calling me to come back. But I won't. I can't. Everything has happened because of me. That's all that there is to it.

Instinctively, I arrive at James's treehouse. Thankfully, he's not here. But do I want to be here? They'll surely find me here. With stopping, I realize how out of breath I am. I place my hand onto the tree and lean forward. A good rest will do.

"This can't be true." I tell myself out loud. "W-why would the universe do this to me?"

I search through my mind and try to find an explanation. Is this karma coming back to bite me? Everything I've done in life was for the better. Was moving here the curse? Was just simply my life doomed??

"I-I don't get it." I fall to the ground and begin to sob so loud, I can't hear myself think anymore.

I have never been this lost. I place my hands onto the green, itchy, grass. I let my shoulders bob up and down, up and down. With each breath, I can't seem to let go of this pressure. My mom cheated on dad and then made me. God, so many questions but they all form into one. Who is he? But I don't think I want to stay and find out.