Big Brothers

He's Out

"What was that?" Kayla whispers to me.

We're all on our way to the graveyard where Alex will be laid to rest. At least I can say his name now.

"I don't know." I shake my head.

I look down at the box he gave me. It's a light pink cardboard box. It smells amazing, I won't lie. I move my left hand onto the top. I don't know if I should open it right now. James doesn't know what we're talking about, nor where this box came from.

"Are you and Isaac friends now?" James asks. "It's weird how he came to the service."

I hope it's not jealousy talking. He has nothing to worry about. I don't want to be with anyone else but James.

"Of course not." I snap my head to him.

"That's his name?" My mom asks.

Chris is the one driving, mom is in the passenger seat, Kayla is in the window seat, I'm in the middle, and then goes James. I realized I haven't filled mom into anything. She probably noticed him way before.

"Uh yeah. We don't like him." I sigh.

"Why is he here then?" She asks.

"To give his condolences or whatever." I shrug.

"That's so kind of him. I don't see why we shouldn't like him." My mom says confused.

"Ms. Hill, there's many reasons not to like him." Kayla says.

James goes over and grabs the pink box from my hands.

"What's this?" He asks.

"Comfort food." I say.

I mean I hope it's comfort food.

He opens it up to reveal beautiful pastries like chocolate covered strawberries, donuts, and cake pops. I guess he really didn't think there would be deserts at the service. James reaches over to a note behind one of the chocolate strawberries.

"Isaac?" He reads.

I look over at Kayla who has an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, James, don't read that!" My mom says.

James looks over to me and then closes everything back up. I really hope he doesn't suspect anything. I'm not Brittany. I would never do anything to hurt him. Never in a million years.

"We're almost there." Chris says.

I'm reminded again of where we're going.
~~~~~~~
"Here rests Alex Matthew Hill." The pastor begins.

My mom is standing with Chris on the other side of the casket. I'm standing with Kayla and James.

"A beautiful soul. He made many laugh, he was full of life." He continues. "And from what I've heard, he protected those he loved. Until his last breath."

All I keep replaying in my mind is the ice cream shop. We all sat together with our favorite ice creams. We were talking about our old house and how we missed it. Him and his chocolate ice cream. And now he's here. He didn't even get to live. He didn't get to grow old, find love.

"Physically, he's no longer with us, but he will always be in our hearts. Everyone here, you all cared for him. Just as he cared for each and everyone of you." He says.

I tilt my head on James's chest and close my eyes. This is happening. I have to let it sink in. James hugs be tighter. I have no words to describe this pain. It's just so overwhelming, I can't even think.

"Once we've lowered the casket into the ground, the family can stay a while longer to say their final goodbyes." The pastor finishes.

He must've said more but I just couldn't bare to hear it. Losing a brother is something I never thought would happen. And where is Jason? I can't lose another.

"Lea, they're lowering him now." James whispers in my ear.

I still have my eyes closed. Seeing the image of a family member once full of promise, in a freaking casket is horrible. I just want him to bang on it and scream 'I'm alive! I'm alive!' Something. Anything.

I slowly lift my head off from his chest and wipe my tears. I blink a few times to clear my vision.

"Oh- oh my baby." My mom cries.

She then falls onto the ground, right next to the hole he's in. He's just now starting to be fully in it. Chris goes over and hugs her. Almost like holding her back from jumping in with Alex.

"Alex! Alex, I love you!" My mom screams. "Oh- Alex."

Her cries are coming straight from a broken mother's heart.

Everyone ends up walking away from us. We're left alone here with Alex.

We all gather around him. Well... the grave.

"I'm so sorry." Someone says.

"W-why the hell are you still here?!" I say.

"You're right... I'm sorry." He says.

"Leave! I don't want to see you! Get out!" I shove him.

"Lea-" James tries to calm me down.

"No!" I push Isaac. "Leave! Get out!"

"Okay! Okay!" He says, backing away.

Isaac then walks away, confused I'm sure.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Chris asks.

Rain starts to fall. Once I feel the cold drop land on my forehead, I break down again. It's almost like a wave of everything is smacked onto me.

"I don't know!" I cover my face. "I don't know!"

Suddenly, arms are wrapped around me. "It's okay."

It's Kayla.

"Where's Jason?" My voice cracks.

"There." James points.

He's standing right next to mom who's still kneeling. He seems emotionless. We all go back over to where they are and look at them. I mostly look at Jason. Where has he been? What has he been doing?

"Jason?" Chris speaks.

Nothing. No response.

"Jason? Hey." Chris lays his hand on his shoulder.

I look at his eyes and they're blood shot red. He's been crying.

"That son of a bitch... he shot him." Jason says, emotionless. "And now he's free and Alex is 6 feet under."

Alexander is free? Who bailed him out? My heart instantly drops. Alex died for nothing. Absolutely nothing. I cover my mouth with my hand in shock.

"Oh my god." My mom cries again.

"That's insane." James steps in.

Kayla goes over and gives me a side hug.

"Whats even more crazy is that Christian is still no where to be found." Jason continues, still staring at his twin brother's casket. "That's my other half- in- in there."

The people who are meant to finish the job start to fill in the hole with dirt.

As a tear slides down my face and the rain drips off the ends of my hair, I think about everything that happened. All the choices. Everything to lead up to this. And just for it to mean nothing. The universe is just wired against us. And for what? This immense pain will only get worse and worse.

How do we come back from this?