Lethal Attachment

Chapter 20

#LethalAttachmentWP

Chapter 20
Ugly

The lucky gold digger girlfriend of Rojan Sarmiento.

That's the phrase the people around us used to describe me whenever they were given the knowledge that I was no heiress of any company here in the country and I was just an ordinary citizen who's striving so hard to be a part of her man's world. It was very exhausting for me as I tried proving myself a lot of times, but they still saw me as the girl who's trying to leech on Rojan.

I've been fighting this heavy feeling inside me and trying to get it off my chest, but I couldn't. It's been going on and on for over a year already. Hindi man lang ito gumaan kundi mas lalo lamang bumigat.

Ayoko na.

Lagi iyang sumasagi sa isipan ko ngunit hindi ko magawang bumitaw nang tuluyan dahil mahal na mahal ko siya. I always asked myself, how can I let go of the man I love when he's also holding on to me? I couldn't find any reasonable answer so, in the end, I wouldn't do it and stay beside him once again. I'll just endure the pain and eloquent criticisms the people around us had for me. However, because of my love for him, I never noticed how I was making myself a slave of pain whenever I chose to stay with him. Unti-unti na akong nagbabago at pakiramdam ko'y mas lalo ko lang pinananaig ang pag-iisip nila tungkol sa akin.

Nawawala na ang pagmamahal ko sa sarili ko na ikinakatakot ko. Dapat kapag nagmahal ka ng ibang tao ay hindi dapat mawawala ang pagmamahal mo sa sarili mo. Because once you stopped loving yourself, you'd eventually forget your worth.

Ngayong muli ko nang napaalala sa sarili ko kung sino ako at kung ano ang nararapat sa akin, buo na ang aking loob sa naisip kong desisyon. Alam kong hindi lang para sa akin ang desisyon na ito kundi para rin sa kanya. Hindi siya ang nararapat sa akin at hindi ako nararapat sa kanya. Nakakapanghinayang lang dahil sayang ang pagmamahal naming dalawa gayong hindi naman kami para sa isa't isa.

I hoped that one day, if ever I became successful, I can still come back to him and he'll still accept me. I just hoped that his feelings wouldn't change. But if he would, I'd gladly accept the consequences of my decision.

"Saan ba tayo pupunta?" tanong ko kay Rojan nang diretso lamang siya sa pagmamaneho habang ang isang kamay ay mahigpit na nakahawak sa akin.

Last night, after it was formally announced that he would take over their empire, he told me he'd pick me up the next morning to go on a trip. Hindi nga lang niya sinabi sa akin kung saan. He said it was a secret. Basta ang sabi niya lang ay kailangan kong mag-empake ng damit na pang tatlong araw at iyon nga ang ginawa ko.

I agreed to come on this trip even when I've already decided on a very important decision. After this trip, I'll finally tell him what's going on inside my mind.

"I told you it's a secret." The smile on his face wouldn't wash away.

Kanina pa siya ngiting-ngiti mula noong sinundo niya ako kanina sa apartment. Bahagya akong tumagilid upang mapanood ko siya ng maayos. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagkirot ng aking puso habang naglalandas ang aking mga mata sa kanyang labi.

Can I really do it?

Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko kaya ang saktan siya hindi lang dahil alam kong mas malala ang balik nitong sakit sa akin kundi sa kadahilanan na hindi ko kayang burahin ang mga ngiti sa kanyang labi. I wanted him to stay happy even without me because that's how it should be.

"Everytime you watch me drive, I couldn't help but to be distracted," he suddenly said and glanced at me.

Iniwas ko naman ang aking tingin sa kanya at hindi ko mapigilan ang mapangiti. "Hindi na ako titingin," sabi ko na lang.