Best of both worlds

37.

I hate to admit it but waking up without Jamie is horrible after being used to having his arms wrapped around me.

After checking on Charleigh I jumped in the shower to freshen up and changed into some cleans clothes. I left my hair wet down my shoulders and went downstairs to make myself a cup of coffee, Jamie laid sprawled across the couch in last nights clothes. I thought he went home last night?

He was startled by the kettle.

"Oh.." he stuttered focusing his eyes. "I was supposed to come back up and see you."

"I thought you'd gone home," I replied bluntly walking back into the kitchen.

"Tiffany?" he called jumping up to follow me. "Listen, I'm sorry about last night."

I ignored him pouring some hot water into my mug.

"I shouldn't have reacted like that, I don't know what came over me."

I ignored him again.

"Baby please."

"Don't baby me Jamie," I spoke.

"Can you listen to me then?"

"No I can't, because I don't even want to look at you right now. I'm struggling to see my best friend."

"Don't say that."

"How could you even expect me to leave my daughter crying just so we could have sex? It's disgusting," I frowned.

"I didn't think Charleigh was upset."

"No, you didn't think. Charleigh doesn't disappear when we want time together, she's six weeks old and needs my attention."

"I understand that," he spoke.

"I don't think you do, I don't think you've realised what you've signed up for."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's not just last night that's going through my head, I've made excuses and blamed myself but I'm starting to think I was right in the first place."

"What?"

"Just go to work Jamie," I sighed.

"I'm not leaving you like this."

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Well later then?"

I shrugged measuring out Charleigh's bottle.

"Can I have a shower?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I'll bring Charleigh down."

He got ready for work in a flash and carried Charleigh down in his arms. I watched as he sang to her quietly keeping her settled even after a restless night, it's only been five weeks and he already has a way of dealing with her.

"Do you want me to feed her?" he asked.

"No, you go."

"Okay then, i'll see you tonight."

He left leaving an elephant in the room.

Charleigh's mood changed in that minute, she refused most of her morning bottle which is a first. In fact for the rest of the day she stayed groggy. I tried everything, a bath, a song, another bottle, toys and even the baby channel on TV. Maybe she's sensing my bad mood?

Jamie didn't come home until five o'clock and only an hour after me and Charleigh finally got some rest on the couch.

"Sorry," he whispered waking me up with the cluttering of his shoes and keys.

"It's fine, I think she's still asleep."

"No, she's wide awake babe."

He walked over and picked her up from my chest.

"I've only just managed to get her off," I moaned.

"Is she having a bad day?"

"Something like that."

He rocked her back and forth in his arms and her mood drastically changed. Why did that not work for me this morning?

I wandered through to the kitchen to make another coffee, this is my fourth one today so I'm certainly making up for what I missed out on during my pregnancy.

"Is her bottle done?" Jamie asked.

"What?" I mumbled.

"I thought you were making her a bottle now so we can have dinner together."

"Oh, yeah I was."

"Did you not realise the time?"

"I just said I'm doing it," I snapped.

"Alright," he groaned. "I thought you would have prepared these things through the day."

How dare he?!

Yes I did forget but only because I've had so much other stuff on my mind and half of those things relate to him. I'm trying my best!