The Things I Leave Unsaid

50. Fucking Up Again

Today it just seems

like I'm fucking up everything

I can't seem to be nice

And right now I don't want to be.

I promise I'm no murderer

But he doesn't hear my pleas,

And to him I'll never matter

Even down upon my knees.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,

But please leave me all alone

For I'll only bring you down

With each and every face I own.

All the second chances

that I've gotten, I have blown.

But even when Earth's crashing down,

I'll remember to watch my tone.

Nothing ever changes and

It's always me to blame.

They laugh when I obey them

And they hit me when I'm sane.

But it doesn't really matter

I no longer feel the pain.

Numbness throbbing through me

Yet it all just feels the same.

I promise if you met me

You would truly think I'm sweet,

But that doesn't really matter

For we'll probably never meet.

And the sweetness is only

Another mask I keep in case

I need a few new magic tricks

that help me to escape.

I listen to all these problems and

Each day pretend I care

To hide the fact that under the mask,

There's nothing really there.

I'm sorry I'm so shaky

But I have to feel the burn.

Now I look around and realize

Everything I've got, I've earned.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Yeah. I don't really have anything to say about this one besides that I'm seriously fucked up right now.

If you really want to know why,

you can ask me, I don't mind.

Though you probably most likely don't

Actually care to know what's inside.

The person who writes you

these poems' a cripple;

At least emotionally,

Psychologically fickle.

So don't you ever ask

if you don't want to hear

About a history of disturbia

Of a mind with no real fear.

This actually kind of ironic considering I was planning on doing something special for my 50th poem. But I had to write this, there wasn't a choice. Oh well, I'll have to do a fancier, nicer poem next time. The number 50 is overated anyway. Psh.

I think I'm going to write it about this girl I just bitched with and then connected in on a whole different level. She seems pretty cool, think I somehow made a new friend by being a shitty person. Yay irony (^:

I was really upset writing this but I'm feeling better now at least. More human again.

~Dustin the Great