Eyes For You | | YOONMIN

My Ocean of Doubt

I laid there silently, listening to Yoongi's heartbeat as he played with strands of my hair. I said that I would tell him my past but I didn't know that it would be this...hard. I took a deep breathe and sat up, though not leaving the comfort of Yoongi's lap. I felt as if I needed to look at his face -his eyes- as I told him everything. Before I could say a word, he placed his hand on my cheek and smiled.

Yoongi: "Your eyes are...beautiful."

My face flushed as I looked away from him. He laughed a bit.

Yoongi: "Hey, what does magenta mean?"

Jimin: "Find out yourself!"

I didn't want to tell him that I was being to feel things for him that I wished I didn't. But in the end, Yoongi was the sunlight in my dark mind. I punched his chest lightly, telling him to be serious as I'm about to pour my heart out. He smiled and intertwined his hand with mine, giving me some comfort as I spoke.

Jimin: "Back in middle school, I lost my parents."

Just by saying that one sentence, I felt a rush of emotions run through me and tears started to fall down my face. Yoongi immediately began to wipe my tears, telling me words of encouragement.

Jimin: "After losing them, people began to make fun of me and I began to hate things about myself that I never hated before, including my eyes. I used to think my eyes were the greatest thing about me, but after their death, I slowly became to hate them."

Yoongi: "Your eyes are the most beautiful things I have ever laid eyes on and don't ever forget that."

I smiled at Yoongi and thanked him before continuing.

Jimin: "Anyways, I began to give up on everything. School, friends, life. That was until a guy came along, Mark Tuan, who just so happens to be the new student at our school."

Yoongi's body tensed up at his name.

Yoongi: "Is that the dude who beat you up today? I swear, I'll fucking kill him!"

I hugged Yoongi tight, telling him that it's okay for now and that I just wanted to finish telling him everything.

Jimin: "Mark...he was different. Or so I thought. He was nice and caring and he made me feel things that I hadn't felt in a while since my parents died. Of course, I confined in him. And it was great at first. But then he slowly started changing. He became more violent and abusive. At times, he would force me to do the things he wanted me to and if I refused, he would beat me. Much like what happened today. Then one day at school, him and his friends ganged up on me in the middle of the school grounds where everyone could see. They torn my clothes off and made me do disgusting things in front of the school."

Yoongi wrapped his arms around me and rocked my body, slowly. Tears silently ran down my checks as I tired my best to wipe them off.

Jimin: "By the time Namjoon and Hoseok got there, it was too late. I become a laughing stock covered in their disgusting insides and black bruises. Namjoon and Hoseok took me home but after that, I wouldn't let anyone touch me. It was like I had developed a phobia to touch. Of course that phobia is gone now, but the memories and scars from that day still stick with me despite everything that I've tried to do to get rid of it. Eventually, I began to create my own scars which you already know about."

Yoongi began to run his fingers on my chest and my arms, remembering how he found out about my self-harming problem.

Jimin: "I remember when all of the respect I had for him, completely vanished. It was that very moment that he took all of the things that I had confined in him -my fears, insecurities, weakness, struggles, personal issues- and threw them right back in my face without a care."

Yoongi: "But you've gotten over him now, haven't you? You've moved on."

I kept silent for a bit before continuing.

Jimin: "Truth be told, even after what he did to me, I kept waiting for him to call. In the middle of the night, crying, telling me he made a mistake. I kept telling myself that one day he would come back, that he'll give me a reason to trust him again. That he'll come back and make me fall in love all over again. But as much as my head knew that it was wrong and stupid and idiotic of me, my heart still leaves my phone on full volume every night."

Yoongi suddenly pushed me off his lap, and I laid on the floor with a thud.

Yoongi: "So you're not over him? Even after what he did to you in the past, what he did to you today, you're still not over him?!"

I began to realize that Yoongi was misunderstanding something important.

Jimin: "Wait, Yoongi, let me fin-"

Yoongi: "NO, Jimin, just no. I've been here the entire time for you! Does that not mean anything? HUH?!"

Jimin: "Yoongi, I-"

Yoongi: "Just shut up, Jimin!"

Yoongi raised his hand in anger and I flinched and immediately covered my face, the trauma that Mark gave me, coming back.

Yoongi gasped and lowered his hand, remembering what I told him about my abusive relationship. His head hung low as he spoke in a soft voice.

Yoongi: "I- I'm sorry. I don't know what I was going to do just now."

Jimin: "Yoongi, I-"

Yoongi: "I'm sorry, maybe I should go. You can leave whenever you'd like."

I was starting to get pissed at the fact that Yoongi kept interrupting me and wouldn't let me finish my sentence, but all anger felt me when I saw Yoongi leaving his own house with tears running down his face.

I fell to the floor, trying to wrap my mind around what just happened.

Jimin: "I'm over him, Yoongi. But you, I'll never be over you."

I finally realized that my entire world just walked away from me. I got beaten by the person I despise most in this world and the person who helped me find the light just walked away. Now, I couldn't see my future, my future without Yoongi.

My face was blank as I got up from the floor, walking slowly into the kitchen. Searching the kitchen, I finally found what I was looking for. Knife. Running the blade deep in my wrists, I leaned against the wall. My mind was blank and it was like all of my feelings had completely vanished. Soon, I could feel my breathing slowing down and my vision became blurry. I knew now was the time. I took out my phone and managed to send one text message before everything went blank.

Jimin's text message:
I'm sorry. You're my everything. Goodbye...Yoongi.

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2 chapters in a day, I'm so proud of myself. I'm sorry for all the angst but I prefer writing books that aren't all fairy tails because fairy tails don't exist in the real world. I like basing my books of off things that could happen in real life such as things related to mental health issues and abuse as I've dealt with both. The next chapter will be wayyyyy more angsty than this one but trust me, IT WILL GET BETTER AND FLUFF SO JUST KEEP READING!!! Anyways, this chapter took a lot to write as it's based off of something I've gone through so it was hard. But I believe people can learn off of other people's experiences so yeah. Anyways, comment, vote and all that. Love u!!💜💜🦋🦋