Judge: jigamaree This was a unique read, and the characters were interesting. Although certain things happened bizarrely suddenly (i.e. a magical woman appears in a mirror and forces herself on the main character), I was surprised to find myself drawn into the story. The format was slightly confusing at first, since the format of the words shows who is speaking, but I got used to it quickly enough. The grammar, however, could use some work, since it was hard to get into the story when words were spelled wrong.
Judge: MasterofSystem This story would bring much surprise to readers. It's creative and interesting. As long as the author fix some grammar mistakes, the story would be extremely easy to follow and understand.
Judge: xDRAG0N0VAx A god wanting to mate with a mortal... Where have I heard this before? Every Greek mythology story ever! (I took Greek Mythology in college, so I know all the gods' 'nail-and-bails'.) So, it wasn't original to me. Grammar needs a lot of work – buy a self-help grammar book – they're not expensive. Character building requires more than just describing a character physically and what they wear. Everything either being in italics or bold made the writing hard to understand – I had to backtrack a couple of times to figure who was talking or if it had been narration. And a girl with awful parents being accosted by a supernatural being *cough* god *cough* is pretty old.
Judge: Cristalina_Starr First of all: Spelling. I found a few run-on sentences too, but you made a few spelling mistakes. For example, you wrote THROUGH (as in, through the roof), as THREW (I threw the ball). So far, it seems to me that the protagonist is telling her own story, so in past tense. Remember to always stay in past tense, and not switch back and fourth between past and present, it only causes confusion, or extreme annoyance to a grammar nazzie. It's fine if you want to write some parts of the story in present tense, but keep it consistent.
Ex, non-consistent: "I LOVE sandwiches so much, that I try to get some everywhere, but I'm glad that's over. Let me tell my story: I WAKE up one morning to the squawking of birds, I hated them."
Example, consistent: "I LOVED sandwiches so much, I would try to get some everywhere, but I'm glad that's over. Let me tell you my story: I wake up one morning to the squawking of birds, I hate them."
In the end, it's your choice how you write. I'm just point out grammar. I love your story! Keep going.
One last thing, I personally find the not using quotation marks for speech VERY confusing, but it's not something bad, so I'm not too bugged about it. (Even though my inner nazzie is VERY annoyed LOL ) Still, writing is an art form, so even if it's not correct, I like your creativity about it!
