Do You Know Indigo?

Chapter Forty

It was late. The corridors glowed with clinical light but no soul wandered them, except me.

I was wearing my flannel pyjamas, finally unhooked from the machines by Dr. Collins and given an opportunity to escape by Kieran's need to pee. He'd be peeved to find I'd slipped away but not as peeved as Dr. Collins would be to learn Kieran had defied her with his invisibility. He had stayed loyally with me, visiting hours or no.

The nurses' station was just a couple doors down. From my general knowledge of the hospital, Beth was mere moments away but even then, getting caught was far too likely. On my tip toes, I followed the sign that dangled over my head and slipped through ward.

A male nurse was watching the television with two other females in the nurses' station. They were glued to the screen, unlikely to spot me skulking in the background.

Through the shadows I wandered, witnessed only by the moonlight. Everything was still.

I arrived at the door of Beth's room without getting challenged and I breathed a sigh of relief. I did not dare wonder if my luck was changing as my luck could be so fickle.

Beth's name was written on a whiteboard on the door of her room and I was grateful she was not sharing. I could be alone with her.

I opened the door and peered in. Beth was lying in tangles of wires. The constant and steady beep of the heart-rate monitor was the only thing assuring me she was alive.

By Beth's bedside was an excessive bouquet of flowers - arranged, I was sure, by my mother. I could barely see Nate's name scrolled on the card but presumed they were from him anyway. I wondered how the devil was dealing with Nate's defiance. I shivered.

Sweat no longer speckled Beth's brow and a mask of peacefulness clouded her face. I perched myself on the edge of her beside chair. Shakily, I took her hand.

"It's me Chris," I began. I didn't know if she could hear me or not but I needed to talk to her. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry about all this. It's because of me you're here." I bit my lip as guilty tears welled in my eyes.

"I should have never attempted suicide. I truly don't know why I did it but you've believed that all along. You were one of the only ones." I brushed the tears away but still they fell. Beth was so vulnerable and small amongst her tubes and wires.

"I put you through Hell for reasons I can't even understand but you never cared. You still saw my as the same old Chris, always." I bent my head, unworthy of even looking at her.

"It was my fault Nate had to do this to you. If I hadn't have introduced you two they would have only taken me. He really loves you, you know and so I guess something good did come out of this even if it meant you practically dying for me." I continued to hold onto her hand needing it to stay in mine for a little longer.

"But though you would never say it you always put me first, you always have and there is nothing I can do but thank you and hope you'll forgive me." I lay my head on the bed beside her and wept.

I don't know how long I sat there for but I began to drift into sleep. The walk from my room to Beth's had tired me out and the crying hadn't helped. But Beth was worth it.

I succumbed to the darkness of the night and it swallowed me whole, untouched by the cruelty of nightmares.

* * * *

The sun was streaming through my window as I opened my eyes. I faltered. Where had Beth's room gone? I could have sworn it was there only seconds ago. I pushed myself up to look around.

"Enjoy your trip last night?" enquired Kieran, his arrogance shedding light on the mystery of why I was no longer at Beth's bedside. He must have carried me. I cringed, the thought of him carrying me, snoring and in my jammies, back to bed.