Do You Know Indigo?

Chapter Thirty Two

Anyone would have thought me heartless if I'd told them I'd slept peacefully following my break up. I know I did.

After leaving Kieran's dreamland, I switched on my phone; checking for the time. There were eleven missed calls and countless texts. Tom was willing to pay his phone operators Christmas bonus just to apologise. I deleted one, two, and three texts and then deleted everything. I didn't want to think about it.

Mrs Langford was coming at ten thirty to drive me to Dad’s so I needed to get myself moving. I jumped into the shower, washing away Tom's cruel words. It felt good.

After I’d washed, I wrapped myself in a fresh towel and checked myself in the mirror. Where Kieran had embraced me there were light bruises, meagre in comparison to our previous meetings.

I chucked on the first clothes I could get my hands on, aware it was pouring with rain. Dressed and satisfied I collected my bag and tucked the photo album inside.

Mum was in the kitchen browsing a catalogue for clothes she didn’t need. I shuffled passed her, a cup of tea calling me.

“So what happened between you and Tom last night?” Mum asked suddenly, not looking up from the glossy pages. I turned from putting a tea bag into a mug.

“Come again?”

“You know what I said Chrissie.” She flicked the pages of her catalogue, now perusing a selection of knitted jumpers.

“We broke up,” I said bluntly, turning back to wait for the kettle to finish boiling. "Does that answer your question?" The kettle clicked. I poured.

“Why? What have you done?” she accused. I rolled my eyes.

“What makes you think it’s me who’s in the wrong?” I retorted, sadly unsurprised. She was my mother, it was her job to comfort and console me not confront and contradict. Mum just snorted.

“When is it not you baby?” I bit back my annoyance.

“It was just as much Tom’s fault as it was mine,” I said. Her eyes were then on me.

“I somehow find that hard to believe.” Mum closed her catalogue and focused on me. She knew how to whittle information out of me with little exertion and I hated that about her.

“Well start believing mother because it’s the truth.” I stirred the tea bag with unnecessary force. 

“I’m sorry Chrissie but I’m not going to just settle for you word.” I gritted my teeth. The time bomb inside me combusted. I spun and clutched the edge of the unit.

“Fine Mum, I’ll fill you in. Tom wasn’t happy with me being good friends with Kieran. So you know what he called your only daughter? He called me a psychotic, suicidal manic and while true I will not settle for anyone who thinks I am less than a human being because of who I am. There are you happy now?” I shouted before swiping my tea and storming from the room.

I sat on my bed, brooding and cradling my tea until I heard a knock at the front door. I gathered my stuff and headed out of the flat. Mum was still at the kitchen table looming over her catalogue, a deep crevice in her brow. Just let her simmer.

Mrs Langford, unlike my mother, didn’t pry for details about my life, but made harmless small talk. She was the only other adult outside of my family who really knew anything about my dad – besides Dr Collins but she didn’t count.

“So how are your school studies?” she asked, stopping briefly at a set of traffic lights.

“They’re good but it’s really only been revision for our exams the last couple of weeks,” I replied whilst fiddling with the seat belt.