Photograph | l.h.

Chapter Thirty Eight

Chapter Thirty Eight

Lillian

On a day many weeks later, Lillian laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling in her bedroom as the feeling of guilt began to eat away at her. She had been hanging out with Luke everyday, and although she wanted to tell him about the various dreams that she was having, she could not bring herself to do so.

On the days that Luke and Lillian had been seeing each other, she had at least one new story that she wanted to tell, given that she was having these dreams almost every night. Each dream symbolized what could have been a memory, however Lillian was unsure. She wanted to tell Luke about these dreams, but she did not feel as if she could, because Luke would get his hopes up, thinking that Lillian was indeed remembering him when in reality, she was not.

For a reason that she could not decipher, the boy she continuously came into contact with within these dreams was her ex boyfriend, Elliot. Although her father had told her about the awful things that Elliot had done, Lillian did not remember any of them. She believed her father about these horrible events; however, because she could not recall what had taken place, Lillian's brain seemed to paint Elliot as a good person. After all, the last memories she contained of him involved their relationship and the happiness that the two had shared together. Lillian did not want to believe that her boyfriend would take advantage of her in the way that he did, however she knew that was not something her father would lie to her about. That, and Lillian had gone onto social media, searching up Elliot's name. It had to have been a year since their split, because according to Elliot's Twitter and Facebook profiles, he had a girlfriend who he had been dating for almost a year.

Darci, was the girls name. After searching through many pictures of Elliot and Darci, Lillian came to the conclusion that he was happy. To her surprise, he posted a lot about how he was having lot's of sex, and how it was always so amazing. These posts made Lillian sick to her stomach.

Although she and Elliot were happy together, there was always something missing to him, that being sex. He begged Lillian to give herself to him on a daily basis, but she always said no.  She did not want to just have sex, because she wanted to wait for a special moment. That, and she was a virgin, so a part of her did not feel ready, given that she was only fifteen when she and Elliot had started dating.

While scrolling through each and every photo of Elliot and Darci, Lillian figured that Elliot did not really love her, and that he was absolutely only using her for his own sexual desires.

"Fuck," Lillian mumbled, her eyes never leaving the boring color of the ceiling.

How was she supposed to tell Luke about these dreams, the one's that possibly could have been memories? How was she supposed to tell him that the boy in the dreams was undoubtedly not him, and that it was her ex boyfriend? She did not feel as if there was a way to tell him. There was no doubt in Lillian's mind that if she told Luke about all of this, he wouldn't be heartbroken. Although a part of her kept thinking that he would be okay, she knew that was not the case.

Luke was in love with her, and although he did not say it often, she knew.

Before her brain could rack up anymore thoughts, Phil walked into the room, disrupting Lillian from her thoughts.

"Hey, kid." He smiled.

"Hi," she weakly smiled, finally breaking her eyes from their spot on the ceiling.

"Your seventeenth birthday is in a week, I just wondered if you had any plans in mind for celebrating."

"Oh, shit." Lillian gaped. She had not even realized that her birthday was coming up, due to everything that had been happening lately. Usually Lillian did not do much in celebration; she did not feel as if her birthday was special. It was just another day, therefore she did not have much of an idea.