Dear Universe, ✔

32.

Dear Universe,

I still don't know if anyone even reads this - aside from Moon - but I need to do this for myself, so here it is.

This is goodbye, Universe.

I know that in my first post I said I was doing this because my therapist told me to. That was true, but I continued because I wanted to. Writing about my day and my thoughts, it really helped me. Sure, I still struggled and I did some stupid things as a result, but I did feel better after I got everything out of my head and typed out. I think this blog thing had a part in my healing process, and I'm thankful for that.

I finally opened up in my sessions and had a break through. I can see now that my brother's death was not my fault and neither is my parent's divorce. There are other factors at play in life, and not everything is a domino effect.

I don't need to make myself miserable and take away my own happiness just because something tragic happened. I'm allowed to be happy, I deserve to be happy.

I'm going to work on that - being happy that is. I don't think it will be too hard, not with Moon by my side. A lot has happened since my last post, but all you need to know is that I'm alive, I'm in a better state of mind, I'm happy with life, and Moon is back in my life - hopefully for good.

This is my last post because I have people in my life that I can talk to about the things that bring me down and make me question life, I don't need to hide and keep secrets. I don't need to type out my thoughts and feelings - I need to voice them.

So thanks for reading, it's been a long year, and I'm excited for the future.

-Star

P.S: Moon, if you're reading this, I love you. You're a lifesaver. You're my rock. You're the best.

P.S.S: Please bring me food.

Typing out my last blog entry was time consuming since I only had one hand, the other still wrapped in the god awful yellow that my mom had picked out. Every time I look at the cast I question my mom's choice, but I also smile at the amount of signatures that are covering most of the surface. A few months ago I was doing everything I could to not have friends, and now here I am, a cast covered in the names of my friends - some old and some new.

I was released from the hospital two days ago after I successfully went two days awake and alert with no internal bleeding or any other set backs. Aside from the broken arm, I seem to be fully recovered. My body is still sore and bruised, walking is a little difficult and painful, but I'm so sick of laying in a bed that I push through the pain.

In fact, I insisted that Ian and I go on that double date with Colby and Emma this weekend.

Ian went back to school yesterday and is supposed to bring me over my make up work after school so that we can work on everything together. My stomach makes a noise and I look at the clock. I still have an hour before school lets out, and I cross my fingers that Ian reads my blog and sees my plead for food before he arrives at my house.

I reach for the television remote in hopes I can distract myself for an hour. As I'm flipping through the channels I hear my phone vibrate from where it's sitting beside me on my bed.

Ian: I love you. You're the lifesaver. You're my rock. You're the best.

Ian: Tacos?

Tacos? You really are the best.

Ian: Sometimes I think you're only with me because I buy you food.

Nah, you're also pretty cute. Kinda nerdy, but cute.