"Let's take a break. What's the point of working it out kung ayaw na talaga mag work! Hindi na tayo masaya. Lage nalang tayo nag-aaway.
Lage kang nagseselos! Hindi ka nakikinig sa mga explainations ko. Ayoko na. Pagod na ako. Let's give ourselves some space."
Now, I don't know what to say...
My body stiffened. Hands and knees trembling and I can't find the right word to say.
Until I feel a warm water slowly flowing across my face. Tears. Tears that no matter how hard I tried to stop from flowing, I can't.
Well, kelan ba naman napigilan yung luha diba?
Parang kahapon lang ang saya namin.
Laughing out loud without minding what other people might say , sharing our thoughts, holding each others hand and inter whining our fingers while walking along the busy streets, corridors and hallways, talking about random things....
Sigh.
Nasasaktan ako pero parang ayaw pa mag sink in sa utak ko yung mga sinabi niya.
How could he give up so easily?
Akala ko ba Men are stronger than women. Pero ba't mas nauna siyang nag give up? Siya ang unang sumoko!
__________________________________
(Throwback Months ago)
Busy ako kakalaro ng ML sa cellphone niya ng biglang may nag flop na chat heads sa screen. Group chat.
May naka attach na picture kaya inopen ko ito. Out of curiosity.
Hindi ko alam pero biglang kumirot yung dibdib ko ng makita ang picture.
Ugh! Damn that curiosity!
Nakita ko ang picture niya together with a girl na hindi ko kilala. With a caption :
" Baby ang cute niyong dalawa dito. Bagay kayo. Ayieehh ( Insert In love Emoji)"
The picture was so simple. Hindi pang couple ang pose. He was just standing while wearing his mask but you can still see in his eyes that he was smiling, while the girl was standing beside him, smiling genuinely, while doing a peace sign.
So natural.
Parang fangirl na nagpapa picture lang sa idol niya. But I can't help not to worry. Dahil kahit ganon lang ka simple yung picture I can't deny the fact na bagay nga sila. They look cute together.
The girl in the picture look so charming. Just by seeing the way she smile you can probably see how lovable she is.
But instead of confronting him about the picture or ask him who the girl is, I just kept it to myself. Sabi nga nila diba, certain things are better left unsaid.
Ayokong pag-awayan ang mga ganong bagay. Masyadong mababaw.
Days passed by, I didn't expect that my jealousy would get deeper.
They seemed to be too attached as time goes by. They have lots of goofy pictures together, lage silang tinutukso sa isa't-isa, and they seemed to be too close and too comfortable with each other.
Hindi ko na napigilan and sarili ko at tinanong ko na siya.
He said : "She's just a friend."
Well, we also started from being just a FRIEND!
But I'm not really convinced. I'm not numb. I can sense that there's something going on between them.
I'm afraid that one day will come that he'll wake up and realize that he already love someone else.
The past few weeks has been so tough for the both of us.
We keep on fighting and arguing over some nonsense things.
Instead of helping each other to be inspired and motivated, our relationship has been a destruction.
It's final month and we became so very busy with our paper works.
We seldom communicate, and we never really bump into each other inside the campus.
One of the reasons why my jealousy became deeper was that, almost all of the students already know it's him. The Author.
Everyday he received lots of gifts from his admirers and fans. And that boost my insecurity.
It only makes me feel unworthy.
The thought that he deserve someone else, someone worthy and someone who could make him really happy has been flopping on my mind.
And it really doesn't help with my studies.
I still have lots of school works to be done before the given dead lines and I know I can't focus until I can talk to him and clarify things.
We need to settle this already before it drains me.
That's why we decided to talk. And I didn't expect that our conversation would end up like this.
He need some space, and probably, I need some too.
Maybe, this is the what they called, cool off?
But why do I feel like I have this urge not to give up yet?
I know I would only sound selfish if I do, but I can't imagine us being like this. Our relationship is only a step away from break up.
And I wouldn't let all the moments we shared and are going to share to just fade into memories.
What we have is rare. And it was too beautiful to be thrown away just because of some misunderstandings.
We feel in love despite of our differences. We've already been through a lot of trials and consequences. And we face and survive it together.
Ngayon pa ba ako susuko?
After everything we've been through?
♪♪ I'd rather have bad times with you
than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm
than sleeping warm by myself..
I'd rather have hard times together than to have an easy, apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart... ♪♪♪
NP: I'd rather -Luther Vandros
"No! Let's talk some other day..." sagot ko sa kanya at nag lakad na palayo!
He tried to stop me pero hindi niya na ako napigilan.
If giving ourselves some space means being apart and would only lead our relationship to break up then, SCREW SPACE! I wouldn't let that space to break us!
