Love Letters to Sally || Louis Tomlinson

6.

6.

I avoided all eye contact with Liam as the boys and I got ready for the interview. I knew Liam regretted what he had said at the bar, I saw it in his eyes when I first walked in with an emotionless expression upon my face. My thoughts diverted from Liam to Jean suddenly when Lou started to fix my hair up a little more and doing my last minute makeup touches.

I begged Niall not to tell the boys about Jean, they would instantly get angry for letting a stranger stay in my apartment alone. Niall only nodded his head while he drove us to the studio, confusion written over his face. He was confused, though if I told him why I let the girl stay at my apartment it would only confused him more therefore I never gave him a reasonable explanation.

"You look great Louis." Lou smiles sweetly at me into the mirror. I don't dare look at myself in the mirror. I didn't want to see the nothingness I've become. I didn't want to see my dull eyes, though I looked more alive due to the foundation Lou had put on me, covering up the dark circles around my eyes.

"Thank you." I mumble not caring if she heard me. I stare into the mirror only to be met by piercing green eyes. My best mate staring at me with a hopeful expression, it only makes me want to scream out in frustration. I'm tired of all these sympathetic looks, these hopeful glances, these reassuring pep talks.

The introduction to the interview starts which sends us all scrambling towards the studio stage. My adrenalin kicking in, my hands rub together anxiously. I stand behind Liam, the rest of the boys in front of him. He mumbles a few words to the boys before looking back at me. I see a hint of joy when his eyes lock on mine as if he were surprised I was indeed here with the boys for an interview. The joy doesn't last long, his brown eyes cloud over in sadness before a small pout forms onto his lips. He turns back around without saying a word to me.

We are then introduced onto the studio, I recall that this was indeed our cue to walk on stage. I'm the last one who follows out, the screaming from the lucky fans who get to watch live gets louder sparking a bit of hope inside of me. I sit on the edge of the couch away from the interviewer hoping that she will not ask me any personal questions. Niall sits on my left, Harry in the middle and Liam sitting closest to the interviewer. Leaning back into the comfortable red couch, I slow down my breathing calming myself once the applauding subsides and the interviewer with the bleach blonde hair turns towards us with a fake smile upon her face.

"I've heard that One Direction is coming out with their sixth album next month, am I correct?" All the boys nod but me, seemingly I've forgotten to move anything in my body when the interviewers eyes lock on mine. My heartbeat increases when her attention is turned to me, I watch as her cherry red lips start to speak towards me.

"I'm delighted that you were able to join us today Louis." I nod my head politely.

"Pleasure." I give a small fake smile. The interviewer purses her lips, her eyes narrowing at me almost catlike.

"Rumor has it that you and Eleanor broke up, is this true?" I can almost feel all the boys tense up at this question. I bite my lip.

"Yes." Niall flashes me a surprised look but I keep my eyes trained on the woman, almost challenging her to ask me more questions. A satisfied smile creeps onto her face when she notices how uneasy I seem.

"May we clear up all these rumors today?"

"Sure." I shrug. I send the woman another challenging 'I dare you' look. Niall sends me a worried look but I form my lips into a line before moving my eyes back to the woman. She clears her throat looking down at her lap which holds her questions for all of us, but it seems she skips everyone single one of the others and focuses on my questions only which makes me angrier.

"Is it true that you were not on a vacation?"

"Yes." The woman looks amused by how honest I was being. She leans forward while tugging down her short white dress that hugs her small frame tightly.

"Can you explain why you were lying to all your fans?"

"He wasn't lying to anyone." Niall defends me a little too roughly. The woman looks surprised by his sudden outburst. "Louis was simply resting for a while, being in a band for six years can be tiring." Niall says calmer, his cheeks reddening.

"Right, well is it true that you have been to a rehab facility more than three times?" My breathing becomes a little ragged as I clench my hands into fists.

"Can we skip that question?" Harry asks a little unsurely. The woman nods her head and looks me dead in the eyes. I can tell the next question will set me off, if the next question is what I think it is I'm walking off this stage. I stare at her, daring her to let the sentence I all so dreaded to come out of her mouth.

"Are you an alcoholic Louis?" Her voice is quiet, the whole audience is quiet now, shocked by the words that slipped out of the woman's mouth. I wasn't mad that she has asked this question, I was mad that she had said it on national television, letting the whole entire fan base listen to the hurtful truth.

"I'm done." I say through gritted teeth. I stand from the couch, ripping off my microphone throwing it towards the producers behind the camera. Everyone is silent as I walk angrily off the set, my breathing becoming ragged.

"Louis, please do not leave." Running footsteps echo down the long empty hallway towards me. I shrug off the large hand that clasps around my shoulder only making me angrier. The hand grips me harder making me turn around, I almost lose my temper but calm myself when I stare at Liam's saddened eyes.

"This was a terrible idea Liam! I am just delighted that you made me go to this! Do you realize now how much trouble I am in now."

"We are all in trouble now Louis."

"How are you all in trouble, I'm the one who is going to have a picture all over the media titled, 'Look who is the drunk in the famous band, One Direction!'. Why did you make me go to this? This only made things worse!"

"You can't just walk out now! You just caused even more of a scene back there! Do you realize what you did could ruin our band forever?" I grit my teeth, my eyes darkening.

"Is that what you care about? Do you even care about me Liam?"

"Yes I do."

"No you don't." I'm about to say more but I stop myself, what is the use wasting your breath on someone who doesn't even care. "I'm leaving." I then walk away from Liam, ignoring his pleads. I exit out of the studio back doors, not caring that I don't have a ride back to my apartment.

Dear Sally,

Where did I ever go wrong? Perhaps if I hadn't ignored you after the X-Factor I wouldn't have ended up like this?

I needed your luck, but all I got was more sadness weighing itself upon my shoulders. The interview went terribly, now the whole world knows I'm a drunk.

May I have permission to do something stupid to myself, possibly drown myself in the nearby lake or hang myself in my very own bathroom?

I can't kill myself, not because of Niall and not because of you, but because I don't have enough courage to do something that great for myself. No matter how much I deserve it.

You are my last hope Sally, I need you so bad right now.

Sincerely,
Louis Tomlinson

{ Word Count: 1387 }