Please, (Don't) Go Away? ~ ( One Direction / Zayn )

20 - 'Stop asking those questions!'

“Thank you again for this incredible night! You guys are loud!” I shouted through the microphone that was clenched in my fist, beads of sweat rolling over my temples and I wiped them roughly away with my arm. 

I put my microphone in the stand and left the crowd, screams and my nerves behind. Although I’m getting used to performing for so many people, it still terrifies me. I still think that everything can go wrong; losing my voice, forgetting the words, the music isn’t starting or being out of tune.

The boys were getting themselves ready by giving each other a group hug and whispering encouragements to each other. They smiled at me as I passed them and I responded with a little smile back. I looked shortly to Zayn and his eyes were focused on my face, I immediately stared at the ground once his eyes met mine.

It still haunted me that text message of him; he wanted to talk. About what? And why? I avoided him, his glances and his presence. I was still pretty upset, because of that incident with Mark. I don’t know why though, he did nothing wrong.

But I blame him that Mark was angry at me. I know It was just bad timing, Mark came in when he was laying on top of me. Again, he did nothing. Or did he? He came really close at one point, maybe too close. I didn’t notice it I guess but Mark did. I replayed that scene so many times in my head, what happened? All I knew, was his face, his brown hypnotic eyes and his pink shaped lips that were inches apart of my face. 

It seemed that I was paralyzed by his touch, that my body didn’t want to work anymore. With every move he made, I froze. Maybe because he was too close. Maybe, I was shocked because of the fall or because he was laying on top of me. Or I could feel weak and I didn’t want to fight back, that I didn’t push him of me. Maybe, just maybe.. I let it happen?

I sat in my dressing room, my elbows resting on my knees and my foot tapping on the wooden floor. I slid my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through the documents and music. I opened my texts and scanned my inbox.

My conversations with Mark were scary silent, I tried to text him a couple of times but he didn’t reply. And if he did, it was a simple standard message with three kisses. I missed him, I missed my little apartment, I missed Julia and Amber, I missed my old life.

I bit my lip as I opened Harry’s text, Harry also wanted to talk to me. But he had a reason I think, he wanted to know what was playing in my head, but it was quite difficult because I didn't know what was going on in my head. Although he wanted to talk to me, he hadn’t done it yet. But instead he sent me glances and followed me with his eyes what made me nerves.

I was sick of it, perhaps I had to across my boundaries and approach him. I had to give it a go. The doubts, feelings and the unanswered answers were driving me crazy inside. 

* * * * *

FROM: Harry

Come chill here instead of sitting in your bus alone

Xxx

TO: Harry

Fine x

I held my phone before my face, that was snuggled in my pillow, I felt like doing nothing today. It was our day off and I was planning to not to move today. I sighed loudly and pulled the blankets further upwards to my chin, my eyes staring at the ceiling.

I waited for a couple minutes and then I swung the blankets of my warm body, I shivered shortly as I stepped out of bed. I skipped breakfast and changed into a brown strapless jumpsuit that ended on my ankles, it was already sunny and it felt hot outside, what is extraordinary for England. But who cared? It was summer after all.