Bullied By One Direction (One Direction Fanfiction)

Chapter 2 - It has barely started.

You know that feeling when you think you’re done but it barely has started yet?

Chapter 2

Mrs. Akkins, our Sience teacher, hasn’t blinked or removed her glance of me for the last 2 hours. It’s really frustating, I have no idea why she’s acting like this. Another question, why is she looking at me and not to those troublemakers? I turn my head to see those 5 boys I mentioned before throwing pieces of paper to each other. 

Stupid children.

Curly catches my glance, and waves cheekily while mouthing : ‘Nice bag, cunt’ That hurts. I look away and I feel my cheeks are heatening up a bit. I feel his words pressing in my heart. I feel it. They’re draining through my mind, not ready to let them go. I’m wondering how much pain they can cause. They’re really proving it. When I look into Curly’s eyes, I first meet the mass of sparkling green. Then I meet a bitter look full of hatred. But then, I notice something I haven’t seen in his eyes before and something what surprised me.

Lust.

What does he wants? For what is he looking? Why? This is confusing. There you are, i’m not the only one with a mask. I’m just a little better with hiding it. I don’t tell anyone about it with my eyes. Usually I don’t look someone else in the eyes, i’m afraid they’ll discover who I really am. What I really am. What I want to reach. My choices. My mistakes. My life. 

I don’t like to share these kind of things with other people. Especially people like those idiots, who are meant to make my life worse. Maybe they’re not meant to. It just seems like that. 

The Goth from before follows me closely the whole day long. Like he wants to protect me. He hasn’t said anything though. But I like his prescence, it’s better than being alone.

He has this kind of aura when you get all chilly. When he’s around, I can release myself from my blowing mind who is overthinking, I feel my problems getting weaker. It’s like they don’t matter that much anymore. I like that feeling, it’s something that I haven’t felt in years. Not since Delilah.

I turn away from my thoughts and I bite my lip to keep the tears inside. Everytime I think of her, I shut down. My tears are coming up like there’s been a sign released. It hurts. Every tear I spill on her. Every, single, one. These tears bite in my skin like poison, it cuts in my skin like knifes. It leaves a mark, an invisible one. She left me a scar. From the inside.

I just can’t get over it. People think after 5 years you should be done with it and you should say her name without getting back to the past or keep crying. I guess that belongs to the faith of a non- funny, happy, life-loving girl.

Every morning, I’m laying in my bed with my eyes closed. Wishing I could just sleep along, escaping from my life. Every morning i’m considering to runaway. Every morning i’m thinking about killing myself. But then it would be way to easy. It’d be way to easy to kill myself to release me from my problems. I should face them, Fix them! 

I guess i’m just not strong enough to do that. I need to recover from my pain. Recover from the cutting pain in my chest. The one I wake up to every morning. It comes right out of my heart. See, my heart is one with instructions. If it doesn’t get enough love, it doesn’t give any back.