Messy Nights and Modest Fights - Larry Stylinson Short Story

Chapter 13 - Suspense controlling my mind

‘All I Wanted’ - Paramore

‘Stolen Dance’ – Milky Chance

‘Tear It Down’ – The Ashton Shuffle

I had some serious writers block, these are the songs I blasted on repeat until all that was left was the music and then came the story. (That’s how I write, mute the world and run as fast as I can from reality) – Just in case you wanted to know. I owe music a lot. Also new playlist for Modest Absolution and Messy Nights are on 8tracks.com/j-sweetheart GO LISTEN! Love you all. 

Suspense controlling my mind

With what felt like the weight of the world on his shoulders Porter gave in, he took two of the pills from Zayn’s quivering hand and washed them down with water. His head was spinning, he was drunk and he was confused. Niall was right, they all were. Porter knew that, he knew he was wrong and Dakota deserved better. 

But that didn’t stop him, didn’t stop his heart from racing when Sasha met his eyes. He fought his feelings with everything he had, he stayed away from her, avoiding her keen eyes and soft lips. Unfortunately he had to sleep, he was only human and with sleep came the aching in his soul and the dreams of the beautiful blonde. The blonde he thought hung the moon just for him, the blonde he gave his heart to, the blonde who broke him in two, humiliated him, destroyed him. The blonde he still loved, no matter how hard he tried not to.

Sasha.

He rejected Dakota’s call, putting the phone back into his pocket as the music from the limousine blasted through the open window. He clenched his jaw, ignoring Niall and Zayn as he tried to catch his breath. His thoughts were a mess, the lyrics of Bastille filled every crevice of his messed up mind.

His phone began to ring again, he rejected it. Now you’ve hit a wall and you’re lost for words,’ he grinder his teeth feeling the stress of facing Dakota filling his body like a poison. Seeping into his veins, he groaned. Sasha, Dakota, Sasha, Dakota… their names began to intertwine and mix together. Their faces became unclear in his mind, their voices and their touch.

‘It is not enough to be dumbstruck, you must have the words in that head of yours. Can you feel the silence, I can’t take it anymore.’ Never had he felt words resonate with every inch of his blackened soul, he leant his head back looking up at the sky. He wanted to love Dakota, wanted to be what she deserved but that night at Zayn’s, when they first got together she did warn him. He closed his eyes, the lit cigarette in his hand went to his lips in silence. The boys left him alone as he became lost in thought, in the memories of her warning and his pain. When he kissed Dakota he was drunk and he was broken, perhaps their crumbling relationship was doomed for the start?

“Everyone hates me you know,” she said. 

Porter shook his head, he knew he should hate her but he didn’t. He couldn’t, she was like a broken soul and so was he. He brushed the hair from her green eyes, “Trust me, they don’t.”

“Really?” She smiled. “You’re so sweet.” 

“They don’t,” he sighed, putting a hand on her knee. 

“They either look at me with disgust or pity,” she frowned. “I hate pity, I hate it all.” He knew how she felt, he also knew he shouldn’t be touching her and breathing in her intoxicating scent… but he did anyway. 

Porter nodded, “They don’t hate you.”

“Maybe,” she yawned again, “I hate myself.” 

He leant closer, their faces inches apart. He knew two broken pieces didn’t always fit but in that moment… he had to try.

She pressed her fingers to his lips and pushed him away, “You don’t want to do that.”

Porter felt his stomach drop. “Why not?”

“Sorry,” she whispered with a sad smile, “You won’t fit inside my heart.”

He closed his eyes, “The loneliness is deafening,” he said and it was, his heart ached and his soul yearned to forget.

“I’m dangerous,” she whispered as she clasped his hand. 

He sighed enjoying the feel of her touch, he couldn’t help but wish it were someone else’s, Rachel lingered in his mind like a bad song. “I want to run away from it all, you do too.” 

“You don’t want me,” She said. 

He smiled, “You’re beautiful.”

“You’re drunk,” she slurred. 

“Kiss me,” he whispered, he wanted her in that moment and nothing else. 

So she did.

“You won’t fit inside of my heart,” she said again. 

He smiled, “Neither will you.”

Porter leant against the limousine as he pulled out another cigarette and with a hefty sigh, realised they were doomed from the start. His phone rang again, Niall glowered at him as his ringtone blasted from his pocket. Porter groaned, he had to man up… now or never. So, he reluctantly answered the phone. “Hey?” 

He was guilty.

He was lost.

He was tired. 

Tired of the lies, the guilt and most of all tired of himself. Why did he have to make bad decision after bad decision? His heart weighed heavily on him, he honestly couldn’t remember the last time he felt like such a complete fuck-up. Porter ruffled his thick, chocolate hair and his stomach flipped the moment he heard her voice. 

“We need to talk,” they said at the same time. 

Then he heard sirens, he heard screeching tires and he heard screaming.