Chasing White [Draft 1]

Chapter 44: 32.7% of Women Have C-Sections

Balliand Hospital. June 17, 2009.

Christina stares at the monitor, her nose scrunching up.

"I don't like that look. That's not a good look."

Christina glances at me. "It's just a look."

"No it's not!"

"You just stay calm alright."

"I don't feel very calm."

"I need to check on the baby." Christina moves to the foot of the bed and sits down on the wheely chair. She pulls herself closer and pulls a glove over her hand. Christina sticks her hand up into my cervix. I bite my lip, feeling terribly uncomfortable with my husband's mother's hand inside of my vagina. Her head snaps down, looking at my vagina as if she can see into me.

"Should I push? I feel like I should push." I grip onto the rails of the bed, trying not to scream.

"No! Do not push!"

I slam my head back on the pillow, sweat dripping down my face. "Why not? I should be able to push. Now seems like a terrific time for that."

"Addie, Addie listen to me." Christina pushes herself next to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. "She's not facing the right way."

My head snaps over to Christina's light brown eyes. "What do you mean not facing the right way? You said that my baby turned. You said that she was fine."

"No, no. Her position is fine. She's just face up. Babies are supposed to come out facing the floor but your baby is facing the ceiling."

"Can't I just push her out?" I whisper.

Sadness grows over her face. "I'm sorry, Addie. We have to do a c- section."

I can feel my bottom lip quiver. "Can't we just, turn her or something? I can't- I just-"

"I know this is scary but it's the only way that we can get her out."

"Jason needs to be here. I need to talk to Jason. He'll-"

"He will agree with me."

"He-" Another contraction starts and I scream out in pain. Christina grabs my hand and gives it a soft squeeze.

"Squeeze my hand. As hard as you need to just squeeze." My sweaty palm wraps around her hand and I squeeze hard. The pain seems to be never-ending, swallowing every one of my thoughts whole so that the only thing that I'm thinking of is the pain.

It finally ends and I let out a breath of relief.

"Jason. I need Jason."

"He's coming back. Just went out to get you some food. We he gets back I'll see if there's an OR open and we'll take you down there." She brushes my sweat filled hair out of my face, trying to give me a reassuring smile.

"You can't leave me."

"Just tell a nurse if you need anything."

She pushes herself away from me and walks out of the maternity ward.

"Dammit!" I slam my hand on the table next to me, that being the only satisfactory outlet that I have.

I put a hand on my stomach as if that can push my baby into the correct position.

Jason walks in, a worried smile on his face. The smile quickly falls when he sees my tear streaked face, knowing that something is wrong. He quickly rushes over to me, sliding into the chair that his mother was sitting in.

"What is it?"

"We- uh- I have to get a C-Section."

"What?" He moves closer to me. "My mom said that everything was fine."