last summer - jack gilinsky

thirty nine

i didn't want to tell anyone about my dreams, so for the next three months i kept them secret.

every few nights, when i got to sleep before midnight, sam would visit me in my dreams. he'd talk about my transfer to louisville, how badly he wished he could be there for his son, but would protect him at all costs. i told him that once i had my baby, i wouldn't be able to see him as often because having a baby means having no sleep schedule.

in a weird, impossible way, it felt like i was cheating on jack. seeing sam in my dreams and having actual conversations with him was too much.

jack found out about the dreams in the hospital.

-

"okay, rose, on three we need you to push one last time, alright?" the doctor informed. i nodded quickly, jack dabbing sweat from my forehead with one hand and holding the other. my mom and dad stood on the other end to comfort me.

i pushed hard, a loud scream coming from me as i did. jack ran down and his eyes widened at the sight. i felt the relief as the baby was pulled from me. my mom started to cry as the baby let out a wail. my heart felt full in that moment. jack cut the umbilical cord and they cleaned the baby off before handing him to me.

"you did so good, baby." jack said, kissing my cheek.

i looked down at my son, his crying almost instantly stopping.

"what are we naming him?" the nurse asked.

"mason." i told her. "mason ventura."

i wouldn't ever give my son that monster's last name.

"mason." my dad smiled, looking down at my baby. his grandson. a tear rolled down his cheek.

i held him close to me, feeling more protective over him than anything and everything else in my life.

i let my parents hold him and they told me they would make sure everything was okay with him if i wanted to sleep. i resisted for awhile, but eventually sleep came over me.

sammy was there.

"you did it."

"i did, didnt i?" i laughed a little.

"you're going to be an amazing mom. i just wish it would've been my son you were having." he said, taking my hand.

"i know, sam. me too. i'd choose you over skyler any day."

"what about jack?"

i paused. "what about him?" i questioned.

"nothing. forget that." sam said.

"i'll protect mason, you know. him and sam are going to be practically brothers." sam told me.

"i don't know about that."

my eyes shot open and jack was looking at me questioningly.

"who are you talking to, rose?" jack asked me, curiously.

"what do you mean? i've been asleep."

"you said something. 'i know sam, me too.'? what does that mean?"

i ran my hands through my hair. "sam comes to me in my dreams." i confessed quietly. "i don't expect you to believe me, but it happens."

jack was silent for a moment before he made direct eye contact with me.

"he comes to mine too. he apologizes, in mine. he tells me to take care of you — every single time."

i was in shock. i didn't expect sam to only come to me, but for him to go to jack is on a whole other level of unexpected things.

"oh."

the nurse entered, interrupting our conversation.

"we ran some tests on mason, he's completely healthy." she smiled. 

"oh, thank goodness." i took mason back into my arms, my tiredness wearing off at the sight of my baby. his eyes were open, and i couldn't tell what color they'd be but i had a strong feeling he'd get my dark eyes.

"can i hold him?" jack asked. i nodded, making sure to support his neck when i handed him to jack.

"hi little guy!" jack cooed, a smile coming to my lips as i watched.

"i'm going to be your daddy. your real daddy was a... jerk."

i laughed, wiping my eyes.

mason looked up at jack with curiosity. my heart felt full watching jack hold him. all i ever wanted was right here.

-

2 weeks later

"i know, rose. wake him up at four to feed him." jack laughed. "now go. it's your first official practice."

i sighed. "if you have any questions, call me or my mom, okay? please be careful."

jack gave me a kiss and i left the apartment, heading to my first official practice as a louisville ladybird. 

practice was vigorous. i could see now how we were top in the country. alabama didn't practice this way.

i spent the whole practice thinking of mason. is he okay? is he crying?  will he be hungry? is jack changing him? is jack watching him, or playing xbox?

i knew i had to get back to working out, but if i can't spend two hours without worrying about mason, i can't go workout after practice.

i walked back into the apartment to hear the lullaby tune of the cradle playing. jack was on the couch watching tv with the volume down.

"he just fell asleep." jack told me. i nodded, making sure he was not placed on his back.

i gave jack a kiss and curled up beside him on the couch.

"i don't know how i'll do this whole mom thing again." i sighed.

"you'll have me." he smiled, kissing my cheek. the thought of mason having a brother or sister in the near future excited but worried me at the same time.

"i think we should wait until after i graduate." i replied, glancing again at the cradle. he was still breathing.

"anything for you, my queen."

"shut up." i teased, slapping his arm.

"rose, go get some sleep. you've spent the last week waking up at two in the morning to feed and change him and you have to be at class at nine tomorrow."

"i can skip. they'll understand."

"sleep, babe. i can take care of him."

"promise you'll wake me up if you need me?"

jack nodded and i headed into our room. it felt weird knowing i'd finally get a full night's sleep, but i was glad and grateful that i had jack.