Antidote

Chapter 7.

"Just love me, I want to be with you..."

(Kendrick Lamar - LOVE. ft Zacari)

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The weekend approached quicker than I thought it would and here I am in the bar of my hotel drinking water from a straw waiting on Hayden to arrive so I could break the news. I've already prepared and practiced my speech one hundred times since on the plane. I didn't call him in advance to let him know I was coming. I didn't call him to let him know I had something important to talk about with him. I simply left a text with my hotel address and asked him to meet me here at 7. He never replied to my text message so I still have no idea if he's going to show.

The bar is filling up with other people and a group returning from an early wedding to continue getting hammered before dispersing to their rooms. I find myself watching this group of people, wondering what my wedding night would have been like. It's a sad thing to look back on. It almost makes me want to drink since I'm surrounded by all of this alcohol, but I stick with my water, to prove to myself and Dr. Lisa that I'm not an alcoholic.

She's under the impression that I'm an alcoholic but I'm not. I can turn down a drink and I haven't had one since my hospitalization. If I were an alcoholic surely I would be drinking regardless of being pregnant.

"Is this seat taken?" His deep voice sends a shiver down my spine. My body reacts to him just like usual, goosebumps rising on my skin, my pupils dilating showing off my fondness for him as I stare at the sightly man before me.

"Please, sit."

He takes his seat calling over the bartender with a signal of his fingers, "What are we drinking tonight?"

"I have a water." I inform him and the smallest trace of a smile is on his face. When he and I first met in the bar and he took my glass I was drinking water. Hard to believe that was over four years ago and I still get flushed when I'm around him.

"What can I get you?" The bartender questioned.

"Scotch, neat." He orders waiting for his drink before giving me his undivided attention. "The LA sun is doing you wonders, you are glowing Alice." He compliments.

"Thank you." I'm undecided if I want to come right out and say it or ease it into our conversation somehow. How do you ease pregnancy news into a conversation? "How have you been?"

With the shrug of his broad shoulders he answers, "I have my good days and bad days. You?"

"Same." On those few nights where I was crying over something I continuously ended, the days when I allowed myself to miss him, and curse myself for letting go of us, those were my bad days.

"I'm glad you reached out to me. I wanted to call you but I never wanted to intrude into your affairs." I would've loved a phone call. Unlike before, I would've answered and talked with him.

"You're always a welcome intrusion." And in this moment—with his beauteous eyes on me alight with longing, his hair sitting perfectly on his head, his beard short but fuller and darker than ever before—I wish to jump out of my chair and kiss him everywhere.

"Noted. I'll be sure to call you next time."

And as I begin to say the words of my big news, my brain and my mouth aren't connected, "Do you want to go up to my room?" I say instead.

"That's a bit presumptuous." He says with a chuckle. "I would love to."

Rising from our seats he finishes off his glass before we walk side by side to the elevators. Getting onto the elevator with a few drunk wedding party guest, he and I stand in the back. "Which floor?"