Antidote

Chapter 24.

"Feel the wind and the fire hold the pain deep inside, it's in my eyes, in my eyes, I'd rather be anywhere, anywhere but here..."

(ZAYN - Good Years)

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- Hayden's Point of View -

I had less to drink than she did, so I decided to drive us home even though she begged me to let her drive. I'm trying not to be angry with her or disappointed in her for choosing to drink tonight. Hell, it was the first thing I thought about doing when I learned we lost our baby. So I don't blame her for thinking about it, but I wish she hadn't ordered herself a drink. She hasn't touched any alcohol since she passed out and got poisoning three years ago. She's been using more effective ways of dealing with her problems, but now that she's back with me, alcohol is her first resort. This woman beside me, who usually voices her thoughts, is doing what I used to do to her. Deflecting, drinking, and avoiding the truth.

"Alice, " I begin to talk to her but showing no interest in what I have to say. She turned the volume up from the center console, blasting the music to drown me out. Has she always been this fucking stubborn?

I don't want to pick a fight or force her, but I just want her to talk to me. I find it impossible to believe this is how she wants to cope with her pain. Is this really what I was putting her through for months?

To avoid her becoming even more irate with me, I leave her to her music for the entire drive back to the house. Assuming it's what she wants, I distance myself from her to give her space when we get inside. Tearing out of the suit jacket and loosening the tie from my neck, I roll up my sleeves as I sit in my office chair, watching her on the security cameras. She goes straight to the bar in the second lounge room, pouring herself a drink with ice before pouring scotch into another glass. Downing a shot, she refills it and picks up the other glass, walking towards my study. I exit the cameras before she can reach the door opening up my email instead.

When the door opens, I feign my surprise, as if I hadn't been watching her this entire time. "I brought you a drink." Her smile is demure as she sits the glass down on my desk, sliding it over to me. "It's your favorite."

She's only on her fifth glass now, including the two from the restaurant, and I can already tell the effect it's having on her. She used to need seven glasses to get to her lascivious state, but I can tell her beast is already here.

"Thank you, baby." Even though I don't want it, I don't want any of this.

Setting her nearly empty glass beside mine, she stalks over to my side, turning my chair, forcing me to face her. Sitting on my lap and without a word, she crashes her lips onto mine. Her mouth is eager against mine, begging me to take away her pain this way. Fighting within myself to comply or to put a stop to this, the weaker side of me gets the best of me, my hand wrapping around her waist as she grinds herself over me. My other hand moves from the armrest to her head, keeping her soft, pleading lips against mine.

She needs me to do this for her. If there's anyone that knows about this, it's me.

And that's precisely why I shouldn't be doing this. I can see what she's attempting to do, and I should do the opposite. I don't want my beauteous and precious Alice to disappear from me and turn into someone neither of us would recognize. So I pull away. I pull away from her solicitations and her silent plea.

"What's wrong?" She questions, bewilderment overtaking her delicate features.

"We shouldn't do this right now, Alice, not like this."

"Fuck Hayden," Her tone is uncharacteristically somber. "I thought we got past this already."

By her response, I can tell she completely misunderstood my statement. I don't want to hurt her, especially after the day she's been having, so I'm endeavoring to avoid being too unvarnished with her. "I don't mean with you on to of me or nearly drunk. I don't think you should be trying to fuck at all."