Antidote

Chapter 20.

She really wants me to adopt her daughter? Doesn't she think this is an odd request to ask of the woman who was at the time dating the man who impregnated her? Does Hayden know about this? Is this something he would ever ask her to do? Is he okay with this? I have so many questions, but I can't seem to find my voice.

"What?"

"I know this seems strange Alice, but Naomi adores you. When she's with me, you and her father are all she talks about. I get a little jealous because I sometimes wish I could be that way with her but I don't have that drive or desire."

"Don't you think this will confuse her?" She's already aware of who her mother is, how can she expect me to fill that role when I haven't even been in her life for long?

"I'll always be the woman who birthed her, but you will be the mother who raised her. She's still young Alice, she'll adjust to the change easily." She tells me but I'm not convinced. I don't want to play a role in hurting her. Even if she's too young to understand it now, it will hurt her in the future.

"I'm sure you could tell I've been limiting my time with her for a while now." I noticed. When I first came she was with Naomi on the weekends and then slowly but surely it turned into one day or half a day or no time at all. I had assumed she was busy, not that she was already trying to distance herself from her.

I remember those nights I would overhear Hayden explaining to Naomi in his own words, "Mommy wants you to sleep over but she's busy with work and she needs more quiet time so she can shower you with all of her love and attention next week." Hearing him say that would make her so happy because she knew she'd see her mother soon. To now learn she was purposely trying to keep her distance makes my heartache for her.

As someone who's had a mother disappear for years, I don't know if I feel comfortable doing this. Sure, I love Naomi, but to adopt her and be her legal guardian because her mother doesn't want her? "I don't know about this. I'm sorry Una, I feel like I'm being put in a very awkward position."

"I'm not going to force you into anything, the decision is up to you. Just know that if you say yes, I've already signed off my rights as her mother." She really doesn't want her? Naomi is a beam of light, she's beautiful and smart, what is there to not love about her?

I don't think I will ever comprehend how a mother can have a child, raise the child, and then leave as if their child means nothing. Those feelings they're putting their child through after abandoning them should mean something to them but it doesn't.

"She loves you, Una, you're her mother no one can ever replace that. Are you okay with knowing she'll grow up hating you for leaving her?"

"You may never understand this, but everyone isn't meant to be a parent and not everyone in the world wants to be one. Some people are better at parenting than others, that's just how life works Alice."

No matter how much I despise these words I know that they're true. Hayden made a choice to have a child regardless of what Una wanted. But she's right about one thing, it's something I will never completely fathom. I don't mean to judge her for her choice but there are so many things I don't understand about this. The number one thing I fail to understand is why. Why put a child through this, especially one that has a strong love and attachment for you.

"And I think Hayden is doing an incredible job raising her as he will continue to do the older she gets. But she's going to need a mother figure, she's going to need you." She adds.

I cross my arms over my chest still shaking my head. This is a lot to spring on an unsuspecting person all at once. There are so many thoughts swarming my mind right now I can't think clearly. The only concept I can grasp right now is poor Naomi.