(On hold) My Brother...My Doctor

36

Brian served us dinner and we ate in practically silence. It had been a very long day, and I'm sure all of us just wanted to go to bed and sleep. I honestly don't know why Josh doesn't just go home. He has school tomorrow! Geese, I'm such a burden on him. 

"So, how is my cooking?", Brian asked breaking the silence. 

"It's amazing doc, haha I love salad", Josh said chomping on a crouton. 

I noticed that Brian and Josh were almost done with their servings, while I'm not even close to being done. I had barely eaten only two bites. 

"Katie? You okay?", Brian asked suspiciously. 

"Uhm yeaa", I said taking a bite. 

Nope. Nuh uh. No food for me. 

"Katie, you've barely touched your food", Josh said. 

"Maybe I'm just not hungry", I said annoyed. 

"Katie you are hungry! You literally said so yourself a while ago. What's with the sudden mood change?", Brian asked. 

I looked up from my bowl of salad. 

"Mood change? Really? How about life change? How about complete change in every single fucking thing I do", I spat. 

Brian and Josh's eyes widened. 

"You guys think it's easy to try and get used to this whole cancer thing? Well, reality check, it's not!! I'm trying to be happy, but it's really hard when nothing is working out", I said. 

The doorbell rang. Oh great. People.

Brian got up from his seat and left Josh and I alone. 

"Baby, why? Why are you so suddenly sad? Ever since we were on the couch its like something snapped", Josh asked with evident concern covering his features.

"Josh it's nothing, okay?", I said. 

I heard footsteps and saw Liam, Audrey, and Brian. 

"Hey girlie", Audrey said. 

"Hii", I said. 

Everyone took a seat at the table. Great, just more medical personnel to tell me to take care of myself. 

"How you feeling sunshine?", Liam asked. 

"Good", I replied bluntly. 

"We just wanted to stop by and say hello. The girls already miss you at the hospital", Audrey said. 

"Yeah well I'll go back there soon", I answered. 

I heard Brian sigh. 

"Uhm well I'm gonna get going. I've still got some homework to finish and I've got school tomorrow", Josh said getting up from his chair. 

"Do you need a ride home buddy?", Brian asked. 

"Oh no, no need. I can walk. I live only 2 blocks away, so it's totally cool. I need the exercise anyways", josh said with a wink. 

I smiled. He can make me smile when I think I won't ever again. 

"Well lovely, I'm gonna head home. I promise to text you and I'll come and visit you tomorrow", Josh said kneeling down and kissing my forehead. 

I smiled a small smile. 

"Okay Joshie, I'll text you", I said. 

"I'll be looking forward to it", he said. 

"Well, I'm off! Everyone have an amazing night and I'll see you guys tomorrow", Josh said with a waive. 

Before long, It was just Liam, Audrey, Brian and I. 

3 medical personell, and 1 sick girl. How amazing!! 

"So, Katie we never finished that game of operation. How about we finish it up", Liam offered. 

"Not really in the mood", I said. 

Liam frowned. 

"Look, I'm just really tired okay? It's been a long day and it just finally hit me in the face with all the changes I'm going to be going through alright? I need some time", I said resting my head on the table. 

"Katie we know its hard", Brian said. 

I snapped my head up. 

"Brain you do not know it's hard! So don't even say you do! You are the doctor alright? You aren't the patient or the sick person. You aren't the person who got a fricking needle stabbed into them like 5 times in one day! You aren't the person getting bad news! So stop saying you get it when you really don't! I'm only 14, and I feel like i'm dying. Like its all just ending now". 

The three stared at me speechless and at a loss for words. 

"It's pretty damn hard", I whispered. 

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AN: So guys, finally an update! Hope you guys enjoyed!!  I'm starting to add in a bit of I guess, self-hate and depression. I go through this disorder myself, and I've never tried writing about it. But I feel like this is the perfect time and place to try. So yeah..

I hope you guys enjoyed hehe. Love you all! 

#Unicorn Clan 

-Olivia