Lace of Lavender

Chapter 43: Happiness

The definition of happiness: "Exhilaration sometimes too hard to control as it can fill up every part of your body and soul and almost make it suffocating. The quality or state of being happy. Something we always strive for to be, but we can't have happiness all the time since it is only a reflection of when something has been bad and we feel better. It's not eternal, but also not produced in an ending number."

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As the thin brush touches the canvas and a black line is drawn against white James make a small snore in his sleep. He is still in the clothes he left our home in last night. But since he hadn't slept in more than twenty-four hours I can understand how he fell asleep as soon as his head met the mattress. But now as the afternoon sun is sailing on the sky and James is lying peacefully still I couldn't help but get my supplies.

The first buttons on his dress shirt are open as his blazer has slid down from his shoulder. A dark strand of hair has fallen down on to his forehead and as it to me looked aesthetically pleasing I didn't have the heart to remove it. I at least removed his shoes from his feet as he obviously didn't have the energy to do so. And the ring which I have given him is surrounding one of his fingers.

I had made a quick and easy design by hand with a pencil to then fill in what was before me in colors. I mean, I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for James that he always was the one who had to deal with whatever came up in the mansion. But at least it gave me these kinds of moments.

I add some blue into the picture to really try to capture the significant shadows floating over James. His chest rises and falls once again and for my ears, it feels like the most lovely sound I have ever heard. I turn to my right to get some more colors as my mind in the silence starts to wander.

The man before me. I have been... so many disgusting things. A liar, murderer, thief, homeless, call girl... And even tho those feelings and experiences will haunt my conscience and heart forever, a part of me actually think I can survive thru them with James on my side. I mean at the moment I am trying to get the pieces of so many mysteries that my life is built upon together.

I hear the door from the elevator close and I can just imagine that it is Aiden coming home. Ever since last week's Valentine's day he had been living at Luke's place and to be honest whenever I have seen or talked to him over the phone he has seen happier than ever. As feet make their way up the stairs James moves as if his reflexes are kicking in. I don't dare to move as if even the smallest noise would wake him up.

But as the silence once again fall and James looks as peaceful as ever I continue. I can tell that someone is behind me as I feel someone's cold breath on my shoulder. I look up but Aiden isn't meeting my eyes. His grey irises are completely focused on the canvas which I had just added some grey into.

"Hyung wasn't lying, sweetie."

His otherwise loud and present voice is now a low and study whisper. Probably only to not wake James but it still sends chills up my arms for an unknown reason.

"Don't stop."

I heard how he took some steps back and disappeared out of the door to come back a few seconds later with a chair he placed with an arm's length next to mine. And every stroke I did for the next 20 minutes he just sat there quietly and studied. I could feel how he sometimes raised his eyebrows when he was confused about the colors I chose to add and other times just nodded as it all came together pretty well.

I lay down the brush as the last streaks of sunshine had disappeared for the day. James still lay in the same location he had for more than two hours. Still looking as peaceful and handsome as ever.