He Was My Cousin

Chapter 45

HAPPY 2018!!! 💕

Chapter 45
The First of Many

I don't love him anymore.

That's the thing I realized as I was driving back to Manila. Looking back made me wonder why I fell in love with him in the first place. Sure, he had the looks but he was definitely an ass. His ego would always feed him up. He always yelled his way out of everything. He meddled with so many things just because he felt like it. It came to a point it became suffocating.

I stopped my car outside my home. Umub-ob ako sa steering wheel. I don't love him anymore; I realized rather too late. I have been holding back, been stepping forward just to step back, because of the thought that I might still be in love with him after all these years.

I don't know. Loving him will seem to invalidate all my hardships abroad. Umalis ako upang makalimutan siya ng puso ko. I only returned because I believed I was already successful for that matter. Kaya noong sasaglit na panahong akala ko ay mahal ko pa rin siya hanggang ngayon... I felt really confused and at some point, even angry at myself. But then everything is clear now. I've sorted out my thoughts, my feelings.

Hinilamos ko ang aking palad sa mukha ko. I then alighted my car. I entered the gate and got my phone from my pocket, my hands trembling.

I dialed his number. Halos mapaatras ako nang agad niyang sagutin ang tawag ko. It was as if he'd been waiting for my call all the while. I sniffed and held back my tears. I can't back out now.

"I miss you," I said, almost a whisper.

Now, I'm sure. I have long fallen out of love with Paolo Salvatorre. Why did it take this long before I figured it out? That the man love is not Paolo Salvatorre? Hindi ko alam. Perhaps it's because the scar Paolo Salvatorre left in my heart will always be with me. And I guess I have held onto the pain I had losing him... why was such great love, a love so great we relinquished everything for each other, got lost? Because apparently, Paolo Salvatorre, like Jiro Cervantes, wasn't the one for me.

He didn't say anything, but I knew he was listening from the other line. I gritted my teeth, feeling the tightening in my chest again, "So what now, Paolo? Are you fetching your keys now and drive on high speed just because I said I miss you?!"

Tears began falling from my eyes again. I didn't even care if he knew I'm crying. My heart hurts so much that if I didn't cry now, my chest would burst.

Naiinis ako sa kanya. Sa lalaking 'to. I hate him for all the things he had done for me. Naiinis ako na kahit sinaktan at iniwan ko siya noon, ako pa rin. Na kahit ang tagal na panahon na, he held onto me, too.

Nang bumalik ako sa Pilipinas at nakita ko siya, pakiramdam ko ang daming nawala sa akin. But finding out all that he had done while I was gone... pakiramdam ko nandoon ako kasama niya sa anim na taong wala ako sa tabi niya. It felt like even if I was miles and miles away, I was with him with his every decision.

I almost shrieked when I suddenly felt warm arms enveloping me, hugging me from behind. Napahinto ako sa pag-iyak. I would have freaked out, but I knew better. This hug. This scent. This man.

He rested his face on the side of my head, "No, Aya. I'm not fetching my car key and drive on high speed just because you said you miss me. Dahil bago mo pa ako ma-miss, bago mo pa mapansing wala ako sa tabi mo... tumatakbo na ako pabalik sa'yo. I can't stay away from you any longer because I'd miss you terribly. At pagod na akong ma-miss ka. I lost you for six years and I'd be one dumb man if I let it happen again."

Napapikit ako nang mariin.

I don't love Paolo Salvatorre anymore.

The man I love is Paolo Romualde.