He Was My Cousin

Chapter 39

I'm sorry for being MIA the past months 😞 Chapter 40 will be uploaded, hopefully, in a few hours.  Have a blessed holy week!

Chapter 39
Consequence

"Ang aga mo yata ngayon?" bungad sa akin ni Mama pagdating ko. She was in the kitchen, preparing the ingredients before cooking dinner. Matipid akong ngumiti sa kanya. Inilapag ko ang bag ko sa counter at umupo sa may high stool. Nangalumbaba ako at pinanood lang si Mama na maghiwa.

A little later, she dropped the knife on the side and looked at me. "What is it?" she finally asked. Napasimangot siya. "Anak, I told you back then that I want you to be honest with me all the time, right? You remember I don't want to be left in the dark when it comes to you again?"

I nodded and tried to smile as if assuring her everything's fine. That there was nothing to worry about. But then I remember everything again. Bumuntong-hininga ako.

I met my mother in the eye and asked, "Ma... do you know what my name means?"

For a moment, she seemed lost because I was suddenly asking a random question. Nakakunot ang noo niya. Unti-unti ay nawala ang kunot na iyon na para bang may biglang sumagi sa isipan niya. "Of course," she said, nodding. "Of course, I know, anak."

I was still staring at her. Pilit kong pinipigilang tumulo ang mga luha ko. I sniffed and bit my lower lip as I listened to her.

"It's your father who named you Ayanna, because you're the beautiful gift that bloomed after our great loss - your sister Aly." Hinawakan niya ang nanginginig kong kamay na nakapatong sa counter.

"You found out about it, didn't you?" She took a deep breath and held my hand tightly. "I guess I couldn't blame you for feeling that way. I didn't know how to react when I found it out back then too, anak. Carissa invited me in its soft opening... Hindi na kami nagsabay dahil susunduin pa niya si Japoy sa school noon. She just told me it was a corner lot - na makikita ko agad iyon. But in that avenue there were two cafes in a corner lot years ago, Aya. Hindi ko alam kung ano roon. But then I knew. I knew when I looked at their signage."

"I didn't like it," she confessed. Hindi ko na napigilang tumulo ang luha ko. I wiped it with my palm right away. "I hated it especially when I know you're doing well in the States without him. That you were trying. Natakot ako na baka pagbalik mo ay naghihintay pa rin siya sa'yo. But could I hate him, really? Could I hate the man who just so dearly loves my daughter?"

"Ma..." saway ko sa kanya.

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "It's not like I don't know, Aya..."

"It's not like that, Ma," tanggi ko.

My mother gave me a small, reassuring smile, dismissing all my denials. "Just know that your father and I trust your every decision, Aya. We always will. Kung saan ka magiging masaya, okay na si mama at papa ro'n. Alright? So just follow this..." Tinapik niya ang dibdib ko. "Because that will make you genuinely happy."

I nodded and pulled her into an embrace. Siguro ito ang dahilan kung bakit ako umuwi nang maaga. I just needed it. I just needed my mother's warm embrace. Her solace.

The following weeks had been quite awkward for me and Paolo in the office. I knew he was wondering why. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang titig niya habang nasa loob ng opisina. But he never asked.

Hindi naman sa hindi kami nag-uusap. We still do talk. We still have that coffee session every morning... but it's just that I couldn't talk with him comfortably anymore. Before I found it out, I tell him random stories. Stories from way back New York... sometimes we get too comfortable we could even talk about the time we were in San Fabian.