He Was My Cousin

Chapter 4

Chapter 4
Mine

"How do you know if a guy is making a move on you?" mahinang tanong ni Ella sa amin. Katatapos lang ng hapunan dito sa bahay nina Pat. We're just having our usual Saturday hangout. Kahit naman busy na kami ay humahanap kami ng oras para sa mga bagay na ganito... simple chitchat, bonding.

Nakita kong tumango-tango sina Liz at Pat. But my forehead cringed because of what Ella said. Didn't what she said deserve some kind of a violent reaction? "You mean to say, may umaaligid sa'yo? Kasama mo sa trabaho?" tanong ko. "You know you have Ian, and Ian is..." I started, trying to make her realize Ian was for keep.

I hurt the guy back then, and I am not going to let her do the same mistakes yet again. Oo, alam ko, maybe she wants to explore more. First boyfriend pa lang niya si Ian... but I don't think that's right. I want things to work out for them, but if they break up - hopefully not - it wouldn't be because of a third party. And hell, definitely not on Ella's side.

"I know! That's not what I mean. God, Aya! May pagka-slow ka talaga minsan, 'no?" bulyaw sa akin ni Ella. "What I mean is," humina ang boses ni Ella. "How would you know if a guy is making a move on you... that the guy wants you to do it with him."

"Do what?" I asked in confusion. Pinanlakihan ako ng mata ni Ella. Si Liz at Pat naman ay nagsimula nang tumawa.

"The deed!" Ella blurted out.

And that's when I started laughing, too. I was thinking all absurd things and all she was asking was that? Inulan naman nila ako ng batikos dahil daw bakit hindi ko agad na-gets iyon. They said I was in the US and all, and it's a known liberated place. Para namang nagkaroon ako ng social life ro'n? I was busy with my studies, my work, my research, my issues... how could I have squeezed in a decent social life? I did have friends there, but that was all.

"Bakit mo naman tinatanong 'yan?"

"Well?" Umiwas ng tingin si Ella, then she said, "I don't know. Ian has been clingy more than ever, he's become touchy, too."

"Oh..." That was all that I could mutter.

"You didn't answer my question!" Ella shot us a look one at a time: me, Liz and Pat. Teka, bakit ako kasama rito?

"It's not like I'd know!" protesta ko. "Ask Lizel!"

Ella looked at me incredulously. "We all know you had Papao!" she said. And I almost wished she didn't. It's not the first time his name was brought up, but I'm still not comfortable. I don't know. Perhaps people will never really get over it, right? All that had happened.

"No, no." Nakita kong umiling-iling si Pat. "I've watched Aya walk. She has never done it." I know they have a trick on knowing if a girl's still a virgin or not. Base raw sa galaw ng pwet 'pag naglalakad. I didn't mind it though. It's not like I care about it and it's not like I should care, too.

Nanlaki ang mata ni Ella. "You've been with him for months!" apila niya. Bigla ko tuloy naalala si Paolo habang inaayos niya ang higaan namin noon. I decided to shrug off the memory right away. It's been years. "'Wag mo kaming charotin!"

"Wala naman talagang nangyari," I quietly said. Tinapunan ko sila ng tingin. Ella looked like she was waiting for an explanation or whatnot. "He promised Papa nothing will happen, so nothing happened." Why were we even talking about this?

Ella looked at me as if she was trying to decipher me, but then she said, "He must have loved you so much." It was almost a whisper.

Ngunit hindi iyon ang nasa isip ko. Ella thinks I did the deed with Paolo, did that mean... Bigla akong tumingin mula sa kanila. "You think Jiro thinks... I did it with...? Uh. Never mind."