He Was My Cousin

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

A Step Back

"Where's Pao?" bungad sa akin ni Mama pagpasok ko sa bahay. "You should have invited him inside. He must have been tired driving," dagdag pa niya.

I looked at Mama, contemplating whether I'd just tell her the truth or I'll just make an excuse. I was so close to telling her I was just tired and I wanted to sleep, but then I remembered my parents' pleas that I never leave them in the dark again like I did over six years past.

So I walked my way and sat on the sofa. Sumunod naman siya sa akin. "Nag-away ba kayo ni Pao? What happened?" Mama asked, her voice etched with concern. She must have felt something was off. "Tell Mama what happened, anak."

I sighed and started, "One of my high school classmates saw Paolo and I together, Ma. He added two and two and figured we were going out. Paolo explained we weren't cousins... but it didn't make a difference."

Napapikit ako nang mariin, pinipigilan ang mga luhang nagbabadyang tumulo mula sa mga mata ko. "You should have seen the disgust on Chester's face, Ma," I said, deliberately shaking my head, not wanting to remember any of it. "H-he looked at me... He looked at us... with s-so much disgust."

Mama then enclosed me in her arms. Hinimas-himas niya ang likod ko, inaalo ako. That's when I cried real hard. Ilang beses kong pinunasan ang pisngi ko pero hindi pa rin nauubos ang mga luhang umaagos mula sa mga mata ko.

I sniffed, "For once I thought Paolo and I could be together with no hindrances. Baka... b-baka pwede naman. But was I too delusional to think it was possible? Hindi ba talaga pwede?"

Mama looked at me, worry ruling her system. "Anak..."

"Hindi ko naman siya pinsan..." I wailed. "Hindi ko naman siya kaano-ano. Bakit hindi pwede? Is it because I broke Jiro's heart? Am I being punished for breaking his heart? Or something is just wrong with me? Is something wrong with me because I fell in love with Paolo a decade ago even if I thought he was my cousin? Am I sick, Ma? Am I sick?"

Mariing hinawakan ni Mama ang magkabilang-balikat ko. "Listen to me, Aya. Listen to Mama."

But I couldn't. All my frustrations piled up and if I don't let it out now I might just burst into the void.

"Why did I fall in love with him? There are billions of people around the globe, but I fell in love him! I fell in love with him even if I grew up knowing he was my cousin! Am I sick? I must be sick, Mama."

Mama cupped both my cheeks. "Calm down, Aya," she said, her voice soft. "Calm dowm and listen to me."

"Hindi ko naman siya pinsan, 'di ba? Hindi naman na siya Salvatorre..."

"Yes, Aya, Paolo is not your cousin. He's not Paolo Salvatorre; he's Paolo Romualde," she said.

Mas lalo akong mapahagulgol. "Pero bakit gano'n? T-the... the disgust on Chester's face... I d-don't..." Marahas kong pinunasan ang mga luha sa pisngi ko. "Paolo explained. Sinabi niya 'yung totoo, Ma. Sinabi niyang hindi kami magpinsan. But C-Chester looked a-at me... He l-looked at us with equal disgust."

"Does it matter that much?" mahinang tanong ni Mama.

"Of course it does!" I shot back almost immediately.

Tumango si Mama, tila para sabihing naiintindihan niya ako. Na kakampi ko siya sa kahit ano man, kalaban simo man. "When was the last time you saw that Chester before today?"

My forehead cringed, but I answered her anyway. "I don't know. Maybe nine... eight years ago," I retorted, unsure.

Mama gave me a small smile, "By the looks of it, he seemed not to be a part of your life anymore, anak. Why does he matter? Why does what he thinks matter?"