boobs and dicks; stylinson

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{dedicated to posttraumatic for this amazing idea also, this story is rated R because wattpad said so lol}

{i would also like to state that the gif on the side makes me unstable, good day}

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Louis;

"Okay so, tonight, eight o'clock, Lannigans?" I ask Zayn through the receiver, switching my phone from one ear to another.

"Yeah, can't wait to get all of us together again! The girls will enjoy it too, I'm sure." 

"The girls? What'd you mean?" I asked Zayn, I thought it was just going to be a boy's night out.

"Well it will be us five and our girlfriends! I didn't tell you?" What the fuck, I swear if anything is ruined because of her, all hell is going to break loose!

"No, no you didn't. I guess that means I have to bring Eleanor, yeah?" I sighed,  didn't want to bring her, she was just a cover up. Modest! is making me date her because they don't like the fact that I like dick and not vagina.

"Yeah, it will be fun, I promise Lou!" Of course he thinks it's going to be fun, he doesn't mind Harry's girlfriend, Jordana like I do! God, that bitch is annoying.

"Mhm." I mumbled and hung up the phone to get ready for this dreadful night. Maybe I could back out!

I reached for my phone and already had Zayn's number dialed when I thought of something. I can't do this to the boys just because I don't like Jordana. I sighed, dialing Eleanor's number instead to tell her to get ready.

"Hello?" Her voice rung. Don't get me wrong, Eleanor is pretty but you know, she doesn't have a dick.

"Hey, yeah uh, get ready and be at my flat by seven-thirty, we have to go to Lannigans for a meet up with the boys. The girls will be there too." 

She squealed, "Okay! I have to pick out the perfec-" I hung up because honestly, I didn't have the energy to listen to her mouth right now.

I don't understand why the girls have to come though, I mean One Direction is us, five boys. Not girls. I decided to just get in the shower to cool off and because I hadn't showered in two days, gross.

As I was scrubbing my body, I started picturing Harry. He truly is beautiful with his emerald eyes and curly hair that you just want to run your hands through while he's on top of you, fucking your brains out.

What the fuck, no! I just called myself a bottom. Bitch, I top. 

I looked down and noticed I had a boner that was rapidly becoming harder. I can't say that this hasn't happened before because it has. I always get a boner when I think about Harry but I'm pretty sure a lot of people do. I mean our fans always say they get lady boners from us, whatever that is . .

I don't know if I should jack off or just leave it. It was aching so the best thing to do is jack off . .

Fuck it.

--

"Hey, guys!" I cheered as Eleanor and I entered Lannigans. I got a bunch of drunken, "Hey Louis!" 

"Oi, it's only five past eight and you're all drunk?" I chuckled. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see people with camera's . . 

"Liam, why is there paps here? I thought no one knew we were going to be here." He gulped down the last of his pint, "I dunno, they're taking pictures of Harry and Jordana." 

Why on Earth are they just focused on Harry and Jordana? I looked over at Harry and saw him kiss her. There it is, the pang of hurt and jealousy in my chest. 

He's too good for her, honestly. She dresses, acts and talks like a barbie. It's almost like someone trained her. I scoffed at the thought.

"Why don't you go talk to Perrie?" I suggested to Eleanor. She bit her lip, "But there's paps, shouldn't we get pictures since we're together?" Then it all clicked, Modest! payed the paps to be here! But why are they all taking pictures of Harry and Jordana?

"No, we'll be fine. Modest! can fuck off." She nodded before walking over to Perrie, giving her a hug and smiling. 

"Louis!" Harry stumbled over to me. I smiled that he was so excited to see me, "Hey, Harry." 

"What're up to?" He grabbed my neck and his cheek landed on my cheek, "Harry, you're drunk."

"And you're sober, drink." He offered his pint and I gladly took a gulp. Might as well have some fun tonight.

--

"Jordana, you need to get up." I heard mumbling from beside me. Why was someone calling me Jordana?

"Seriously, you were supposed to come out for the paps last night, not sleep over." There it was again. I groaned and when to turn over to grab my pillow, only it wasn't there. I'll tell you what was there though. 

A big ass head of messy curls. I jumped back in the bed I was in and finally opened my eyes. 

"Harry? What're you doing in my bed?" I ask, embarrassed. My voice sounded a little girly. Probably just sick.

He furrowed my eyebrows, "This is my bed, get out." He snapped. He was never this mean to me so why is he being like this all of the sudden?

"B-bu-"

"No, go, Jordana. I don't know how many times I have to tell you, you're just a cover up. Just because you sneak into my bed in the middle of the night doesn't make you anything different." 

"I'm not Jordana! I'm Louis, why do you think I'm Jordana?" I was freaking out right now. He scoffed, "Stop mocking me, you bitch!"

Mocking him? What the hell is going on? 

"Jordana, get out!" I was so confused so that I just walked out of his bedroom door into his bathroom, I still don't get why he thinks I'm Jordana.

I may be gay but I still look like a guy! I went to the sink to wash my face, I need to cool down. 

I splashed water on my face and looked into the mirror.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed as I looked closer into the mirror, I was a girl, with BOOBS!

How the hell did I not notice I had fucking boobs? I looked down, I was wearing Jordana's pink jeans. 

Oh my God! Where's my dick? I pulled down the pants, my dick is gone!

"Harry!" I yelled, he came running into the bathroom, rolling his eyes.

"Didn't I tell you to get out?" He scoffed. 

"M-my dick! It's gone! I have boobs!" He looked at me like I was a freak, "I knew you had a dick."

"This isn't funny! It's gone, what happened? Why am I wearing pink jeans! WE NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR!" I was full on screaming at the top of my lungs now.

"Calm down, jeez what the fuck are you on?" He quickly shoved me out of his flat door, on my way to God knows where.

Where am I supposed to go? I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm worried about Jordana. Did the same thing happen to her?

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{i feel like i'm taking this story too fast, idk.}