The fake girlfriend deal. ||BEING HEAVILY EDITED||

Fifteen~ Addicted. (edited)

 TW: Self harm, suicide attempts, and trauma.

     The car ride was sullen for nearly twenty minutes when Yuna checks the time. Seven thirty. The snow was spitting down like a blizzard and the road was now milky colored, the car roaring to life as the tires roll down the highway.

"We aren't going back to the dorms?" She hums, looking back at Riven, who's eyes were red and angry.

"No. All they do on nights like these is get drunk and host parties for everyone who didn't go home."

"Are you angry with me?"

"I'm angry with my parents, Yuna. Not you."

She nods and leans her head against the window, feeling the vibrations of the car penetrate her skull and her thoughts. She knew Riven was in pain, physical and emotional. He was realizing his parents will never love him the way he wanted them to. After years of holding onto some tiny shred of hope, it had all been obliterated.

---------

The apartment spanned out in front of them, empty and cold. No life to it. No Madison, no happy family. Riven started the fire place up and passed Yuna a box of menus for her to pick from.

"Do you think I could shower before we eat?" She asks, her skin crawling and itching as if worms were all over her.

She needed to scrub her skin clean of the foulness Austin put into her. She needed clean, she needed hot water burning every memory away.

Riven nods and guides her into his room, "Let me get you a change of clothes."

Even his bedroom was spotless, it makes Yuna wonder why this place was so different than the dorm, which he kept as messy as his mind.

Riven passes her a Theory of a Deadman T-shirt and sweatpants, his shirt sleeve riding up to reveal his old tattoos. In the bright lighting, and now that Yuna was actually paying attention to the male, she could see faint white raised lines under the tattoos.

"Riv-" She reaches for them, looking over the tattoos, she's only paid attention to them from afar, never realizing they were a cover up for scars.

Self harm.

"A son with tattoos is better than a son with suicide attempts on his arms." Riven snorts, "Gotta focus on the image."

It was true. Each scar was vertical. Deep and straight. Each scar was an attempt on his life.

"I'm so sorry." Her eyes well up, pain dancing into those Ink orbs. "I'm so sorry." Her lips kiss each scar she could find, showing love to his pain.

She kisses up and down his arms before smiling gently. Everything about Yuna was gentle, thought out, carefully executed. She treated Riven with such care that he had no clue what a normal reaction to this would be.

Before he could react, she leaves, disappearing down the hallway to shower, leaving a hollow feeling in the man's chest.

Even a second without her was worse than anything his parents put him through.

Riven steps out onto the Deck with puffy eyes, his head throbbing with the words from his father. They still believe Riven was the one who wrecked that night, and it would be too late to go back now and tell them the truth.

Even if he did tell the truth, it's not like much would change.

He opens his new pack of cigarettes, pulling one out and lighting it, watching the flame from his lighter flicker in the cover of night.

The smoke fills his lungs with the first inhale, and his head relaxes, falling backwards with a moan of pleasure. The first hit was always the best. The familiar sting in his lungs and throat was home to him. The one thing that hurt him in the best way.

He would most likely get some kind of cancer from this one day, but it's not like he cared. He's been chasing death since he was twelve.

He would never smoke in the apartment, he needed Madison to be clueless about his vices, meaning she couldn't even smell the faintest scent of smoke. Yuna didn't need it either.

For once smoking made him sick, guilty. He needed to get better at this. He needed to be healthier, he couldn't date Yuna but still do things like smoke and get drunk.

"It's cold out, you're gonna freeze." Yuna's melodic voice reaches Riven's ears, he turns to see her hair in a towel, her skin red as if she just scrubbed the entire top layer off.

"So are you, with that wet hair." Riven snorts, smudging his cigarette out and tossing it in the ash tray.

"Let's go in and order food then." She laughs and takes his hands, leading inside. "Does smoking help your emotions any?"

"Used to." He frowned, "Why?"

"I need something to control my breakdowns." Yuna huffed, settling on chinese and ordering it on her phone.

"Nothing controls it, you either breakdown now, or numb yourself in destroying ways only to blow up later."

"Then why do you still do it? Why get drunk or smoke if it's only going to hurt you?"

"It's better than what I used to do." He motions back to his wrists.

Yuna shook her head and furrowed her brows in a pout, "It's still gonna kill you. A slow death is still death, Riven."

Riven rubs his face with a grumble, "I got addicted to it because at one time, it worked! I was numb with no worries, but it always wears off, then it takes more to get numb, before you know it, you have to drink 20 beers before going numb...And now, even though it doesn't work, I'm addicted and too far gone, I have to do it."

"We're all addicted to finding something to take the pain away."

"Yeah? What is your addiction?"

Yuna held her hands out, crescent shaped scars cover her palms, some new and some old, some still red. "These and- and .. Not eating."

Riven's eyes get even wider, he scoots off the couch and grabbed her hands, looking over the hundreds of scars that he'd never noticed.

"I get anxious and before I know it, that happens." She shrugs it off as if it's nothing. "Don't pity me, please."

"None of this is healthy." Riven shook his head, "Yuna-"

"It's the only way I can have control. You can't tell me not to do this without you changing your vices either." She pulled her palms from his hands. "Don't pity me."

     "I don't." He states honestly. "Do you pity me?"

 "I'm trying not to... I- I hate seeing you in pain. Physical and Emotional." Yuna sniffs, not moving when Riven pulls her onto his lap.

    "You're gonna hurt your leg don't-" 

 "Shh, it's fine. Let me hold you." He chuckles, shaking his head and looking at Yuna with sparkling eyes. 

  "Why don't we both work on getting better? I'll stop smoking, you- Let's start with you trying to eat more. Okay?"

    Yuna nodded hesitantly, her shoulders stiff. "What if I never grow my hair long and never wear dresses? Will you still like me?"

   "Baby, I fell in love with you. Not your looks. Though they are a plus... I'm not gonna leave you over hair or dresses." Riven rolls his eyes and laughs, looking at her with glitter in his eyes.

 "So? Wanna try this?"

  Yuna nods, more sure of this than anything else. "Let's do it."