Out of Touch

Suffering

Andy: I have lost complete control of my life
Andy: Also, I'm skipping school tomorrow. I need a break.

I felt awful. I wanted to hug Andy, let him know that I was here, that I cared. Suffering alone is not a good thing for anyone to go through. He needed someone there for him, I could tell. I knew if it were me, I'd want someone even though I knew no one would come.

I also knew Andy lived within walking distance of the high school.

I quickly texted my mother for permission. My mother had known Andy through my brother. She liked Andy. Even more, she cared for him. She was glad I was becoming his friend. That boy needs someone caring like you. She knew what I knew about him. Secrets were not something often kept from my mama. My brother said he would come get me at five. She easily agreed.

The door opened to Andy's younger brother, Jake.

"Hello, I've stopped by to see Andy," I smiled. Jake didn't know me very well, but he recognized me.

"Michael," Jake called downstairs.

Sometimes I forget that Andy's name is really Michael. I make my way over to the stairs, going down. I had been here once before when I was here with Luna. I roughly knew my way around. I knew his basement bedroom best, as well as the sitting room, and the kitchen. That was all.

Andy's bedroom was dimly lit. He was laying in his bed.

"Hey there," I spoke softly.

"What are you doing here?" Andy sounded tired. 

"Performing a siege," I shrugged. "I thought you could use some company."

Andy looked over at me. His eyes looked irritated like he was crying. His movements were slow like he hadn't slept very well. I kept quiet about what I noticed. I wasn't here to point out everything that was wrong. I was here to care.

...that's not something I've ever thought of before. 

"You've corrupted me, Michael Andrews. I'm here to care about you and I've never felt that way about another human being before. I've also never trusted another human being before. I both hate and admire you for that." I crossed my arms.

Andy looks at me confused. I feel dumb. I don't admit things out loud for a reason. Stupid Alina.

"I mean, I've never trusted anyone like I've trusted you, so I think we're on the same ground?" Andy answers back.

"Come here," I stand in front of his bed. 

Andy stands up reluctantly.  I wrap my arms tightly around him, hugging him. He's just a tiny bit taller than me and we fit together very nicely. I hug him tightly, unceasingly. I'm here dammit. Andy hugs back tighter. He's strong, I'm not going to lie. It's not like it hurts or anything. 

"I'm sorry for everything you're going through and everything you've been through," I whispered in his ear. "Regardless of anything though, I'm here for you. I don't think you're a person I could ever leave."

Andy doesn't say anything. Come on, Alina, we can do this. What if it were you?

"Everything's going to be okay," I whisper. 

His arms flinch as if wanting to hug me tighter but he knows he shouldn't. I hold him comfortably in my arms. He smells sweet but at the same time, there's a spice to it. The more I think about it, he smells like black tea, the kind you buy to make hot tea. The sweet-savory smell that excites your senses, leaving you wanting more.

"I care about you more than anyone," I whisper. "Well, except maybe my mother. But Andy, I care so much about you. I'm willing to do what you need me to. You don't deserve to be sad, the world should be sad for mistreating you. You're beautiful, you're fun, you reveal dark parts of people, you treat others gently, and you're amazingly talented and good at what you put yourself to. You're everything short of a miracle. I wouldn't want you anywhere else but here, with me. I care about you and I'm never going to let you go, regardless."

Andy breathes slowly before he speaks. "Thank you," he whispers back.

"Don't thank me for being honest," I squeeze him a bit tighter in my arms.

I don't normally care about anyone. I had come to realize through Andy that I had trauma in my life holding me back but he didn't know about it. He had many dark secrets he was keeping from me. I knew some things about what made Andy tick. I knew what he was scared of. He was like the little brother I had always wanted.

I wished I could have stayed there with him forever. He brought up anime. We spent the rest of my afternoon, making a parody video in our minds of everything ridiculous we could make up. Andy genuinely laughed. Making him smile today was my goal. Small smiles are like small stitches. They're the beginning of healing a wound.

And if anyone was truly damaged, it was Andy.