Ziall- Words I Couldn't Say

Chapter Two

Heya guys here's the next chapter of the story, Really hope you like it and guys I don't really want to keep typing BradfordBadBoi and IrishLeprechuan all the time so I'm going to do it as Niall is written with italics and Zayn is in bold.

Vas Happenin!! Anybody online bored out my mind?!

I am?

Thank fuck! Irish leprechaun? You a dude or chick?

I'm a boy..I don't think there's any real need to ask you there's a hint in the name..

Does that bother you?

Not at all

Good! So what brings you on this chatroom anyway?

Oh I saw an ad for it on Facebook and well for personal reasons I need a place to go to be myself and nobody can know who I am.. Sounds idiotic I know.

No mate makes perfect sense.. Like you need somewhere where you can be yourself instead of living in a world where everyday your forced to be something your not.

Well in the real world I'm judged for being what I am so here nobody knows me so I can't be judged like I am in school.

Schools some rough shit but out there in the real world its way harsher then anything school bullies have to offer hold your head up to them.

That's easier said then done when all they ever do is tear me down for one reason or another I'm like there own personal punchbag.

Deep real deep 

I don't really want to talk about me at this moment in time so can I ask what brings you on this chatroom?

Same reason's as you I suppose, But its mainly to do with my family see dad wants me to live up to some expectation of the family when all I want to do is music.

I always find your family are the hardest people to please but its your life nobody can live it for you or make your decisions for you, It has to come all from you, Otherwise your just going to end up miserable. 

Woah.. where did you hear that saying its pretty deep dude

I heard it from myself  Being the least popular person in school gives you plenty of time to wallow in your own self pity. 

I heard this saying a long time ago 'just sit back and enjoy the rollercoaster that is life' life is a rollercoaster mate has it's up's and down's, But it was our choice to get on that rollercoaster and its our choice to decide when we get off it. 

And you say I'm deep? 

I have a soft side but sh don't tell nobody got my bad boy image to protect aha

Secrets safe with me BradfordBadBoi 

You know what your a safe dude, How about this you lean on me and I'll lean on you?

Sounds good to me 

Mate I got to head on out but private message me when your next on, Chin up IrishLeprchuan.

-BradfordBadBoi logged out-

I closed my laptop logging out of the chat room with a small smile appearing on my face, I didn't know why but I almost felt at ease talking to this boy but my smile soon faded however when I leaned back on my bed regretting it almost instantly as the pain shot through me like a lightning bolt. I cringed in pain, Zayn either didn't know his own strength or he really did hate me more than words could ever describe. Maybe having a shower will ease the pain a little, I thought so I got up and walked to my bathroom locking the door once inside. I turned the water on and stripped down until I was completely naked standing infront of the mirror looking at my dreaded reflection. I've always hated my body I'm a twig to say the least no muscles, No six pack no nothing. According to Harry you could use my arms as chop sticks sounds harsh but its true. I'm as pale as a white sheet of paper, I'm ugly, Gay, A virgin, Who could ever love someone like me?

Standing under the warm shower letting the water fall all down my body I've never felt more relaxed but at the same time showers seem to be a saviour for me. They wash away the blood I spill whenever I self harm. They wash away the constant tears I only let fall when I'm all alone, I will never cry infront of anyone feeling weak is a feeling I hate. Why cry infront of the bullies it just gives them the satisfaction there longing for. After I was done washing my body I dried off and got changed into my tracksuit and plain white t-shirt I fell ontop of my bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

All I've ever wanted is to be accepted by everyone for who I am. In this world people say everyone's equal but in actual reality nobody's equal there's always going to be a person who's bigger than you or more important. The truth is you just have to take it and wait until it's your turn to shine. In my case look's like I have a long wait.