Finding Me {Niall Horan} completed

Chapter Twenty Four: Bad Stomach Bug

Claudia and I talked like good old times, she’s now 32, which is crazy because when we first met she was 27. Her life was set up for her pretty well, her parents had the money for schooling and she was just naturally smart. She was an A+ student who never failed anything, and where did that get her? Dux of the school, any college she could get in to and finding a job so easily. My life is slightly like that, I didn’t get Dux but I got honours, I passed college never failing an exam or test, you could say I had it good after my mishap 5 years ago. I guess after that happened I just focused on my school work and getting through that year and a half. College went quickly and on an average I got B+.

“You mentioned in your diary that it all came rushing back at you, some girl called Alex. Or it could’ve possibly been Niall. Who do you think it was?” Claudia said once we ran out of conversation. I looked down for a moment, thinking of what to say. I think Niall triggered my emotions, the ones other than hatred and anger, I started feeling things that I haven’t felt in a while now. Possibly that’s slowly been building up ad seeing Alex brought back memories, maybe seeing her hurt I felt sad and that emotion just toppled me over. I never really had a moment to think about what happened until I went outside. I was alone and things came rushing back.

“Niall… Niall triggered my emotions and seeing Alex, things built up and I started thinking about what happened.” I finish my sentence and then that sharp pain in my stomach returns, I only remember then that I’m on my period. “Shit…” I mumble under my breathe.

“What’s up Ellie?” She says quietly grabbing my hand.

“One word… Period.” I say closing my eyes.

“Oh… I’ll go get some things for you. No one checked when you came in. I’ll be right back. Do you want me to send Niall in?” Claudia stops at the door and looks at me waiting for an answer.

“Uhh... No, not yet, I want to deal with things before seeing him.” I say looking down at my hands.

“That’s fine, I’ll be right back. Stay put.” I nod and Claudia leaves the room. I hear muffled voices, Niall’s standing out.

Is this good? Me feeling things again, not just blocking those feeling out. I’m not a cold hearted bitch anymore, I guess that’s a good thing. Sean must’ve noticed my change, especially him being my twin, Aimmee already being off doing who knows what. Mum would’ve told him then, that’s why he never seemed hurt whenever I spoke bitterly to him. I think back to my recovery time in hospital. Why did I choose to block my emotions out? Claudia was there with me, she wouldn’t have let me just go blank like the way I did, she’s not the type of person. Maybe it was once I came out of hospital, when we moved, something changed in that time and I don’t know what it was, maybe just my mind being a pain but now I wish I never changed like that. 5 years of no emotions other than anger and hatred, what a way to live. I wish I could change my past, go back to before I took the pain killers, to when I let the hate first get to me. Why did I get hated? Was it because I was already a bitch before? I can’t remember that, I don’t remember who I used to be before the over dose, all I know is that hate affected me in ways that forced me to a dark deep hole that I couldn’t get out of.

“ELLIE! Hello… Anyone home?” I snap my head up to see Claudia waving her hands in front of my face.

“H-how long have you been standing there for?” I ask noticing the bag in her hands.

“Only for like a minute, you seemed deep in thought, what were you thinking about?”

“It doesn’t matter… Umm I better go, you know.” I say awkwardly moving slowly out of the bed.

“Uh, yeah. Here.” She hands me the bag and I give her a small smile. “Just yell out if you need any help.”

“Will do. Thanks Claudia.” I walk into the bathroom and do my thing. I emerge back into the room and find Claudia spinning on the chair she was sitting on earlier.