Perfect II: The Art Of Living

Epilogue

Epilogue

Once you got out of a little boy’s dream, you’ll learn and see nightmares. You’ll unconsciously remember them and fear them. Although in that fright and terror we see, we will know how to avoid those scenarios. That little education elucidates us where things should be placed; if they must be let gone or kept, cherished or despised.

           I chose to not let go of my fears. It is what made me as a person. Through them, I had an inkling of gratification within me. They spoke of praise and enkindled flattery to which I would never have accepted. They call me a genius, a smartass, a writer, but the greatest endearment I long to hear from a person is that I am a man, worthy of living.

           I smile.

“He died happy for you, Ethan,” Lacey says with a grin on his face.

           I smirk back and look at the glass where Sebastian’s unconditionally hidden smile lies. I approach it and wipe the transparent barrier, coming nearer, my joy shifts to maudlin curve.

           “You fought well,” I tell him. “You give me pride to say that ‘hey there… I’m a friend of that brave guy! And he loved me back because we both cared for each other…’ Sebastian, I won’t forget you… You’re a part of this whole Ethan thing… You’re part of my life. You’re a factor why I am here today… with your beloved Enid.”

           In those words, everything flashes before my eyes that make me fall on the grass, on my knees. Everyone is smiling. No one is crying but me. I wipe my tears as the final ceremonies start to happen. The priest has his words and we have ours. I have my eulogy for Sebastian but it feels like I am having a eulogy for myself.

           “We all have to thank Lacey for Sebastian’s valiance upon things,” I announce through the microphone. “With his loathing upon Lacey, Sebastian knew how delicate he was. He learned to protect himself and protect things that mean something to him.” I have my eye on Lacey who is smiling back. I continue, “Things had been hard for him. I asked myself when I knew he rampaged in Trevor, ‘what if you need to fight something that means something to you? What will you do?’ I did not have the answer and never could have. Sebastian loosened himself just to relieve his anger because what truly mattered was he loved Lacey. What truly matters is love, he said and proudly proclaimed to the both of us, Enid and me. He is lovely. He is loving. He is loved. He is everything that isn’t me. He is a man of pure happiness and unconditional love. He is a person of true friendship and eternal bond,” I say and turn around to see him. “Sebastian,” I say with a shaking voice. “I don’t want to let you go. I love you, friend.” I slightly giggle and wipe my tears. “Thank you for everything and I’ll cherish you forever.”

           And with that, I find myself running to my seat, crying as Enid rubs my back and stands for her turn on the podium.

           She walks small steps with her head downwards, hair covering her face.

           “I love my friends…” she says with a shaking voice on the microphone. “and I…” she musters “will do anything for them,” she says and bursts into a pool of tears. “I-I have one more thing to say… this man…” she points at Sebastian “and that man” pointing to me “are important… I am not so I tried to find ways of coping up to them. Before Sebastian died, he told me… ‘Enid, girlfriend, you are one hell of a woman. You need no importance, dear. You have uniqueness and that is what makes you significant’ No…” she cries and runs away from the podium.

           I follow and she succumbs to her tears as we both fall over some grave where she spends her tears and burying her face with her palms.

           “Why?” I ask her, tucking her dense hair behind her ear.

            “Now I’m alone…” her voice trails in a wry sound. “Y-You’ll leave. You’ll eventually leave me and I am alone.”

           I try to hush her but she wails. “Ethan…”

           “Please… please don’t be like this, Enid. I lost William. I lost… we lost a friend. Enid, I know how that feels and I don’t want you to ever feel it again. Enid, if I will be given more time, I’ll spend it with you—”

           “No.” She wipes her tears with vindication. “You have your life.”

           “And we have William’s,” a familiar voice adds. “Get up there, bud.”

           I obey. “Skylar?”

           He snickers as he tucks his hands down to his pockets, “William killed himself because he thought… he thought he was alone. I was a fool… you were a fool… we were fools. We fear too much that we forget more important things that try to help us be us. I got so delirious about Jesse’s death that I forgot a friend who always was there for me.”

           “And I forgot a friend who loved me more than his life,” I say. “I was a fool to let him go.”

           He chuckles.

           “Here,” Skylar motions. “William had this note on his end table tucked beside your picture.”

           I look at him intently but get the paper from him and read…

           Ethan, This moment has it. My tears sprawls on my hands as I read the first line.

           I was scared of being alone. I was scared of being left. I was scared of everything. I was nothing until you came. When I first met you, I wasn’t William, I was William Lefebre AB Sociology Student from NYAAS. Now, I am just William. No labels because you hated them. I am just me because you said you love me being me. Even at the craziest point I’d prefer cold coffee over a hot macchiato, you’d say “You’re so damn unique, William.”

           I won’t thank you for anything. I won’t thank you because you said you loathed people thanking you. But you need one. You need thanks.

           I tried standing up after what happened. I tried to find my grip and I did. My efforts weren’t futile. It was all worthy of William’s Raspberry powers. But something is just not right… I understood we could never be together. I accepted it. I just want you to know that even that won’t happen, we’ll still be friends. I will be your friend. I won’t be scared anymore to be crazy enough and to be me at least.

           Ethan…

           William… I murmur and find myself crying loud. I fall on the grass with the ripped paper, still unfinished. I sob as I roll on the grass, grasping for the paper. I cry and cry even though every eye is on me. I am holding a piece of William, the friend that cared for me… the person whose presence never failed to provide companionship.

           “Here’s a picture of you under his pillow,” Skylar gladly says and hands a wrinkled small picture with a nearly illegible penmanship. I read…

           You are perfect… as long as you love yourself at any costs.

           -Ethan Colchester, Author of Perfect II