A New Start

Chapter 4

Connor soon found himself looking forward to school. Of course, he didn't let his family know that, that would bring unwanted questions.

Evan introduced Heidi to Connor shortly after they became friends, so they spent most of their time at Evan's place. They were lounging around his room, talking about what they want to do with their lives.

"Yeah, I don't know," Connor said. "I don't really have any aspirations for my life. And I'm not very good at anything."

"That is not true!" Evan said, jumping to defend his friend from himself. "You're-you're good at drawing!"

Connor laughed dryly. "Sure."

Evan huffed and flopped back onto his bed. His phone buzzed.

New message from: Quinn

Evan knitted his eyebrows together. What would she want? He slid the message open.

Jared's being a pain. Mind if I stay with you for a bit?

"Hey, Evan, I have to go," Connor said, picking up his satchel. "Cynthia wants to have family bonding time," he said with finger quotes.

"Oh, o-okay. Bye." After Connor left, Evan shot a 'yes' to Quinn. She arrived at his house in just a few minutes.

"Hey, Ev." Evan waved. Quinn flopped on the couch and made herself at home. "So, how are things with Murphy?"

"W-what?"

"Zoe. You tell her anything yet?"

"I-I don't even think she knows I exist."

Quinn clucked her tongue. "You know, Evan, you can always dissociate."

"What's that?"

"If you follow the mindset that nothing is real and the whole 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality, you can get over your fear of rejection."

"How-"

"Imagine this," she said, gesturing with her hands, "you tell her, she rejects you. You walk away, she stops existing. All that exists is what's in front of you in the current moment in time. Nothing is real."

"I-I don't think that'll work for me."

Quinn shrugged. "Oh, well. Nihilism isn't for everyone. Why don't you write her a letter? Tell her that way?"

"But what if that ruins my friendship with Connor? What if he thinks I really am a creep? What if he hates me?" Evan continued rambling before scratching at his arms. Quinn went to the freezer and got two ice cubes, placing them in his hands.

"Breathe, Evan. 4, 7, 8," she instructed.

Evan breathed in for four seconds, held his breath for seven, and exhaled for eight seconds. He did this until he calmed down. Evan wiped his wet hands on his jeans, the ice cubes having melted. "Thank you."

Quinn smiled. "What are family friends for?" Evan nodded. She glanced at her watch. "Hey, I'm gonna head out. Tell Heidi I say hi." Quinn picked up he'd bag and waltzed out of Evan's house.

- - -

Connor was picking at his black nail polish in English class, bored out of his mind. The teacher was going over literary devices. Again. Understanding the concept of irony isn't that hard, people!

The bell finally rang and Connor decided to go to the library for his free period. Evan was out at a doctor's appointment, so Connor couldn't talk to him. He wandered into the library, earning himself a weird look from the library. Connor spotted Quinn furiously typing on one of the school's computers. Connor sat next to her.

Quinn looked up and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Hello, Connor. What's bothering you?"

"What? How did you know-"

"It's writing across your face. You seem more agitated than normal."

Connor ran a hand through his long hair. "So, have you ever known someone and thought about them one way for a while but suddenly," he imitated explosions with his hands, "you see them differently?"

Quinn looked Connor over and smiled. "Sometimes our perceptions of people change over time. Sometimes it's good, sometimes not. But you won't know unless you test the waters." Quinn logged off the computer and gathered her stuff before walking out.

"Wait, What does that mean?" Connor called after her. He sighed and decided to go find a book to check out.

- - -

Connor had the unfortunate luck of being paired with Jared for a lab in science class. Jared poured some chemical into the beaker Connor was holding.

"You know, your sister is really vague."

Jared fumbled with the glass. "My what? You know I have a sister?"

Connor rolled his eyes. "Please. I'm friends with Evan. And I've met her."

Jared huffed. "Well, I guess that makes sense. She enjoys giving vague, generally unhelpful advice. Says it makes people think through their problems themselves but think they had help."

"That's... that's..."

"Yeah, I know." Jared shook his head. "She's such a pain."

"She's, like, nothing like you," Connor said, scribbling down information on the lab. 

"Yeah, I know. I'm cooler," he said with finger guns. Connor rolled his eyes.

"Just help me clean this up."

- - -

Connor was sitting on his bed with Quinn. The two would talk in the library during their free periods and eventually Connor found himself able to confide in her.

"There's nothing like his smile, you know?" he said, gushing about Evan for the 1000th time that week. "It's sorta subtle and perfect and real."

"Mmm," Quinn replied, doing her homework while lying on her stomach. 

"He'll never know how wonderful that smile could make someone feel."

Quinn closed her book and sat up. "Why don't you tell him?"

Connor shook his head. "If I could tell him how he's everything to me...." Connor sighed. "But we're a million worlds apart. And I don't know how I'd even start."