Footprints on my Heart

Chapter 22 -- Emboîté

emboîté (ahn-bwah-tay')
This means to jump from one foot to the other.

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In fairytales they always say something like, 'The night flew by swiftly as I lay cradled in my lover's arms'. I wish that I could tell you that's how it was for me but it's not.

I don't get why it's turned out like this, and I don't see why this should've happened. The next several hours passed in a slow-moving blur. Nighttime began to fall. It had been a long and arduous day.

Dreading another cold sterile night, I felt more emotional longings that will remain an open wound. Even as I approach our gated community in QC, I can feel the coldness emanating into the way. Nobody would mistake it for anything else. Night has fallen and it dawned me, I am completely alone

And when I reached my home, I wrapped my arms around myself, the breeze cutting through my thin blouse. It was already summer but the weather never seize to change. The evening breeze caught my face, making my skin tingle as I stepped outside. I never looked forward to a quiet evening at home because it made me feel emptier than ever.

Maybe one day it will all work out. Maybe one day it'll all hit me — what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, where I should be going, what I should be pursuing. Maybe one day things will finally fall together. Maybe one day he'll come around. Maybe one day.

I wished that I could end things with a little more dignity, perhaps with a handshake or maybe a hug not giving off any of my feelings. Knowing that I would forever run into Travis again was somewhat terrifying. We were on the same circle of friends and it would definitely be awkward the next time we would see each other again.

But for now, I would enjoy the bliss of his absence. It was somehow soothing to my wounded pride, but that in itself was a double-edged sword.

How did it turned out this way? I asked myself as I slowly recall what happen a few hours ago.

My mind drifted to the beach house on that island we went. Morning came and I blinked owlishly at the sun streaming in through the patio doo as I let my eyes adjust to the light before opening my eyes fully. I felt good and I had every reason to. Did last night really happen?

Frustrated in more ways than one, I ran my hands through my hair, staring up at the ceiling, which was rendered gray by the sun light. Rising slowly, I sat at the edge of the bed. Feeling the cold early morning air against my bare skin, I shivered at the thoughts of the night before.

"You've been nice to me Trav but in a love triangle someone's heart is bound to be broken even if it's unintentional. Thanks for sticking out with me this long but I'm letting you go now. " I remember how Michelle's face crumbled into a mass of tears and she turned into Travis' body, her soft sobs wrenching her body as if in agony

It was hard to believe that Michelle's clearly giving up Travis like that. I was not really convinced with it but the look in her eyes as she cried that night said otherwise. And the thought hit me, Mich had let him go but were they on the same page with Travis? Will Travis let her go just like she did?

Questions and more questions. I see both sides and I find myself struggling. It's not that I'm either too aggressive or too complacent. It's just there never seems to be an even balance. There never seems to be a "right" way. And it's frustrating.

After a quick bath, I decided to put some more effort into my appearance today. Out of my limited wardrobe that I packed for this trip, I chose a nice green v-neck cable knit sweater that highlighted my eyes, and my good pair of dark wash jeans.