Footprints on my Heart

Chapter 18 -- Coup de pied

Coup de pied

Literally "on the neck of the foot," or on the tapered portion of the leg from the base of the calf to the mid-foot. Cou-de-pied describes the position "on the neck of the foot" of the supporting leg taken by the working foot in a variety of Classical Dance movements.

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I don't want to move on. I don't want to leave my past in small increments behind me. I want to take something from every experience, good or bad, and find it useful in some tiny way.

It was the one thought that kept me moving, kept me functioning throughout the morning. But not because I didn't know what to do. Not because my mind couldn't erase that look Travis gave me awhile ago --God, there couldn't be anything I hadn't thought of, no angle that I hadn't considered--but because I could no longer trust myself to do the right thing, especially now that Travis is sitting across me looking at me with those eyes which I once fell for

I wish I could tell Travis that I'm okay. Travis wouldn't think that from how I acted after we went out separate ways. The waterworks flowed constantly; my sobs racked my body hard enough that I began to question my ability to breathe.

Despite my inner turmoil I smiled slightly at Darren who was filling up my plate for lunch "Thanks, Darren" I said and Darren only returned my smile

I glanced back at Travis who was still staring at me. Dear God... I couldn't start on eating with a view like that. My thoughts are a heart rhythm on a monitor. Steady, but an unconscious result of my being alive.

Travis chewed on his pesto while never leaving my face. For a moment, I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, still transfixed by those eyes embedded to my mind, my heart thudding in my ears.

From what Elaine told me, Mich has some errand to do and papers to work on her passport to Singapore, that's why Travis came alone awhile ago with just his traveling bag with no Mich clinging on to his arm

Liz hasn't touched her food and never looking my way since the moment she saw Darren on top of me by the beach. She was sitting next to Adrian, just across Elaine who was busy chatting up with Tippy. Tippy's face was all made up; dark lashes, ruby lips, exotic looking eye liner. It was like looking at a more beautiful, prettier, Mona Lisa.

"What about we do some volleyball match a little later this afternoon?" Tippy suggested with so much enthusiasm in her eyes

"Great idea, time to put those spiking skills to good use" Ted uttered "We'll do it after Dennis would arrive. I needed to prove to that beast, I'm better"

Elaine snorted at him and shook her head.

"Count me in" Darren said as he laid a Maja Blanca on my plate. Just right then, Liz stood up. I shot a horrified glance back at Lizelle. Her food untouched. She slowly set her utensils down on her plate, giving us a fixed regard before speaking "I'll be in my room" She said before completely walking out

My friends looked at each other with a questioning look but Adrian shrugged "Might be pms-ing" he said

"Monique doesn't eat Maja Blanca. It has peanut in it" Travis said quietly.

I frowned, both surprised and touched he'd remembered my food allergy. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as I searched for a response. "Drop it, Trav. He doesn't know" I said in protest