Footprints on my Heart

Chapter 12 -- Temps lié

Temps lié
This is a term for a whole series of conventionally connected movements executed in the center of the room, often during an adagio. However, it is also the term for an independent form of a step.

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I stood in front of the mirror, in a pair of white thick stocking, a ballet skirt and a baby pink leotards. My hair caught up above my head in a hair tie, sweat dripping from my slender cheeks

Looking back at myself, I began to rub that invisible scar on my chest—my heart. More often than not, i just want to end everything. Everyday I feel like I'm either drowning or suffocating from everything, and no one really knows because no one ever bothers to look past what they can see. Everyday I wake up, and I feel like I have less and less of a reason to get up in the morning.

I still wanted to cry, when I thought of things have changed, I had been dancing all day in the studio, my body exhausted, I lay poised on the ground stretching, following a piece I had practiced.

Then amidst of it all, I remember it crystal clear how I was crushed into pieces. The side of Travis lips not obscured by Mich's hair curled up into a smile and my heartstrings pulled me up an inch off the floor.

It was a terrible situation, but I decided to make the best of it. My refusal to say anything, and my subtle observations regarding the interplay between Travis and his girlfriend Michelle, I knew something distinctly malevolent was going on

When we hop on Travis' gray Maserati, my situation continued to deteriorate. Michelle took the passenger seat where I sat before. I didn't mind at first and took the back seat on my own. I was even more tempted to take cab and just disappear but I couldn't.

His behavior began with a subtle shift from indifference to outright obnoxiousness. In fact, if one were a first time observer, a figurative fly on the wall, one would have gotten the impression he'd become borderline sadistic.

I continued to feel out of place as we drove off. Refusing to look directly at Travis, instead I gazed out the back seat-side window

I could start a conversation; of course I was curious about how things had been and how he was especially with Michelle. There was definitely more. Travis' manner had changed. He seemed more apart from people than he had ever been before.

From my perspective I watched as things went from bad to worse.

Michelle worked on her hair awhile ago because she complained about the extreme tropical weather of Pinas. Now, her hair was already up in a bun it was easy to see the necklace Travis bought for her. That letter M necklace I thought that was meant for me

"There, now that's pretty." She reached down and began to rampage things from her Blue Celine bag.

"Do you have a mirror with you, Monique?" She asked

I began to ransack my good old Gucci bag for her convenience and held the mirror in front of her. She smiled at me after she could see the necklace as it encircled her neck, "Beautiful isn't it?"

She was glowing and anybody could see that it was the happiness light in her that was shining.
"Yeah. Suits you well" I remarked disinterestedly.

I was on the edge of tears. I shuddered slightly. Suddenly, I felt like my own sundress was just too tight.

"You're projecting," Michelle joke as she tried to accuse, but it came out sounding like a moan. It didn't sound as bold and confident as the first time but she must've done okay because he rewarded her with a kiss.