Footprints on my Heart

Chapter 21 -- Soubresaut

Soubresaut  (sew-brah-soh) A sudden leap. With the body straight or bent backwards - from two feet onto two feet with the legs tight together.

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My heart was pounding as my stomach fluttered. I fidgeted nervously. And it wasn't because of turbulence or flight anxiety. It was after seeing Travis with Michelle.

and I'm hating the feeling that I can't say he's mine. I can't tell Mich to back off. I can't tell him how I feel. I can't tell him how much I want to be there for him. I just can't demand for his attention. I hate all of it. The anguish. The frustration. All of it.

Michelle looked good now wearing a black leather pants and a v neck top that showed a little bit of cleavage. Her hair was not down, but was straight and drawn back in a high ponytail this time. She was wearing only some burgundy lipstick and mascara. She looked good. Better than good, she looked sexy.

Michelle and Travis smiled at each other and I felt my heart give a lurch when I looked at them

She was surrounded by our friends all waving and giving her hugs.

They kissed cheeks as they meet. "You are looking great," Michelle said, "What have you been up to?"

"Not much," Liz replied. "Just med school. You?"

They were all talking, laughing and trying to get the best mood for tonight. They were all at ease with her presence except, of course, for Darren. I literally felt sick. There is this knot in my chest and stomach that won't go away.

I felt heat flood into my face as Travis' eyes laid upon my way. I'd been watching him -- no doubt he'd been watching me too despite that Mich was all over him. It was no use denying what was patently true. His gaze met mine, his brown eyes soft.

I held Darren's hand tight trying so hard I could feel it pulsate against my own skin. His hand was larger than my own and rough to the touch. I felt him squeezed my hand and felt nothing but warmth radiating from his fingers.

He tipped his head to one side and regarded me a look. The next thing I know, he reached out a hand and touched one of my natural silky hair. I lifted a self-conscious hand to my head, wishing now that I'd taken the extra time to tame it into a ponytail or bun or something. "You're prettier"

"When you say that way ..you know you remind me of–" I cut myself off when I realized where my train of thought had taken me. Travis, that's what I'd been about to say. He opened his mouth to respond but couldn't make a sound. How Darren could read up too much on my face? I don't know but I'm glad he's here

I tried to stay strong but every time I am alone Travis and Michelle's in a heated embrace creep back into my mind. I can't escape him. I just wish I knew how to handle this all. How to be stronger. How to smile again without it being obvious I am hurt.

A single thought raced through my mind. They say you should capture the moment, but little do they know .. when you replace a picture, the memories go with it. There's that feeling again, creeping up on me as I touched a fingertip to my lips.

I guess that I have been replaced.....

"Nikki? Hello?"

"Hmm? sorry" I said as I tore my eyes away from Travis and regarded Elaine a look. I try to remain engaged in conversation but find it close to impossible; I know that Travis spotted me and he knows I know, yet pretends and plays off like he hasn't seen me, and I in turn do the same. A game we play, who wants the other more, and who's willing to risk.