TOO GOOD ; Phan

t h i r t y t w o

I've updated so much today, wow.

When I wake up, I wish I hadn't. I don't want to face today. Usually, it's fine when I know I'm going to get beaten up, as it happens pretty much every day, but now is different. It's been a few days since my last beating, so I know it's going to be bad. Additionally, I don't want Phil to see. I don't want him to think I'm weak. I don't want him to see me crying. He knew I was crying yesterday, he saw the tears on my face, but he didn't see me while I was actually crying.   

It's 7:30, same time as always, my goddamn alarm waking me up. But if I'm awake, I can see Phil. That's a good reason, seeing my only friend. As long as he doesn't see me when I get beat up because I know it'll happen today.

In the time I have, I take a shower, making my hair even curlier. It's already impossible to manage, but now it's even worse. My showers are filled with me spacing out and thinking about how much I hate my body, then jumping out, not wanting to waste too much water. Everything is paid for me because I'm seventeen and would have no way of living off of my own investment, being that it happened so suddenly. Anyway, I'd rather live like this than live with my parents. My brother, however, was too young to live alone when it happened, and I'm not quite sure where he is now. We never spoke, apart from one time.

I get dressed, white t-shirt, baggy pastel blue hoodie, ripped black jeans, topped off with a flower crown of pink roses, and white converse.

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I'm not even surprised when I get dragged into the boys' toilets suddenly. It's one of the old ones that nobody use, which assures that nobody will see. 

No words are said before Kian leaves a punch on my jaw, a few more boys emerging now. 

Kicks, punches, it's hard to process.

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Then it ends. They drop me to the floor and leave, heading to the first lesson which is just about to start.