Please Stay (Kazer)

Why

Winnipeg. When I think about Winnipeg there is only one thing that comes to mind, and it's not the Jets. When I want more than anything to forget about him, Winnipeg is not a place I would want to be at.

All of us are quiet as we walk off the plane and to the luggage pick up. I kept my head down and hands in my sweats pockets. I felt like I shouldn't be here, not without...

I unfroze to grab my luggage once I saw it. I am fine, and I must show that I am. They won't trust me if I don't.

After all the luggage finally arrive, the Toews said their goodbyes before they headed home to try to continue living their lives. My parents, however, led me outside to a taxi to bring us to another hotel.

When we finally made our way out there, we was surrounded by a media storm. I bet they wanted some answers, but they wasn't going to get any from me. No one was.

Lights flashed, questions was screamed, people tried to get my attention, but I didn't even make a movement that made them think that I heard them. I was ready to get out of here, and I was so happy when we did. The happiness was shortly lived when I remembered why I was here in the first place.

The trip was silent and long. I didn't even look out of the cab, only at my shaking hands.

Why am I such an idiot? He was right. He's always right. I should have just told him about the dreams. Why didn't I? I didn't want to seem like an weak, but I am one. I'm so weak that I couldn't just own up to what was bothering me. Now, no one will ever know. If I wouldn't tell him then I won' tell anyone else.

When we finally made it to a nice hotel, my mom patted my knee twice to tell me that we are here. She always​ did that when I was in distress when I was younger. She had been an amazing mother, and I'm truly grateful for her.

I followed my parents into the lobby and awkwardly stood back as they checked us in.

I need a drink, I found myself thinking. I really need a drink. I have been clean since the allegations came, and I'm the closest to relapse than I have been ever before. I thought my thirst before was terrible, but it doesn't even relate to how I feel at this moment. I just need to forget.

Once I get to the room, I'll sneak out. My wallet is somewhere. I'm sure my mom packed it. I just need to get out of here. It should be very easy, but it wasn't.

Unlike before, I found out that my parents only got one room. That means I can't just sneak out of the room to get a drink.

I could wait for them to go out to get some supper, but I doubt they will leave me alone. They know how destructive I can be when I'm grieving. Just maybe they had forgotten.

We were in the room before I knew it, and once again I was sitting on... his bed, dreaming up ways that I could get out of here. There had to be a bar near here. I could have five or six something strong before I come back, and hopefully that'll do the trick.

"Pat, are you hungry?" my mom asked.

I shook my head while looking at my feet.

"Patrick, you haven't ate anything yet. It's been two days; you need to eat something!" This was the first time that she raised her voice at me since... well you know the event that I'm referring to.

I didn't answer her, and I didn't hear what she and dad talked about in hushed voices. Then the door opened and closed. I quickly scanned the room and saw that they left. I jumped up and searched my suitcase until I found my wallet in the front pocket.

I shoved it in my pocket and casually waltzed out of the room and down to the ground floor. I didn't run into my parents, and I was okay with that.

There was a bar down the street a little bit, and that was alright with me. I didn't waste any time to order drink after drink until my memory was completely disheveled.

I do know that I didn't talk to anyone, but I have no clue who found me. The next thing I knew was that it was the next day, my hangover was excruciating, my parents were pissed, and I wanted more.