Please Stay (Kazer)

Oh God

Time slowly went by. It felt like years went by before someone came into the deserted room. I didn't even look up to see who this person was. I didn't want to read whatever he or she had to say through their body language.

"Mr. Kane," a quiet female voice said. "I'm Dr. Heather Esther. I performed the surgery on Mr. Toews." I looked up at the middle-aged woman. "He's very strong. The surgery was hopefully a success. We'll know more about his condition tomorrow. He did obtained a lot of injuries. There is some head and spine, but we don't know how severe that will be. He has numerous broken bones."

I quickly found my voice, "Do you think that he'll be alright?"

She looked at me sadly, like she knew the answer. "Only time will tell."

"But do you think..." I trailed off. I couldn't think of that. I couldn't lose him.

"Scientifically speaking, it's not that likely, but I can tell that he's strong. He will fight to come back, but I don't know if that will be enough."

I only nodded. He has to fight. He's a fighter, and he will make it. I just got to be positive like he always tell me.

"You can go and see him, if you would like too." I nodded and so did the doctor. "Alright, I'll bring you, but I gotta warn you. He's extremely beaten up from the trauma. He will look really bad."

"I just need to be with him," I said sadly.

She led me out of the room and down couple of hallways, until we was right outside a room. I looked through a window and saw him. I waited for her to let me in. Instantly I sat in a chair next to him and grabbed his hand.

The doctor never came in, and that was alright with me.

"Oh God, Jonny!" I said when I finally saw all of his cuts and bruises all over his body. "I'm here! Please stay with me." I couldn't help but to try to plead with him. I don't know if he could hear me, but I didn't care. I need to pretend that he could.

"Do you remember when we first meet? Whenever I feel down, I always think about it. It always gives me something to laugh at." For the first time since I heard about the accident, I smiled.

I looked at the beat up Jonny before I started the beginning of our story. "Ever since I was drafted, or maybe even before then, I was started to get a little big headed..."

When I said that, I knew what Jonny would say. With his cute Canadian accent, he would have told me with a hint of laughter. 'Eh, just a little. I'm surprised that they even make a helmet big enough to fit.'

"So, when I got called up, I thought I was the king of the world. I guess my walk announced that to you because when you saw me climb on the bus, you told me to sit next to you. I wanted to pass, but I decided that it would be best if I didn't."

"You wasn't afraid to look me right in the eyes when you talked. 'Hey,' you started sounded very annoyed. 'The thing here is that we are all good. Don't showcase how good you are to everyone, we already know that you are good or you wouldn't be here. Just play hockey and be with the team.'"

"Okay, I'll confess to you, I was pissed that you was accusing me like that, but I bet you already knew that one. If there is one thing about you, Jonny, you are not an idiot. You was right like so many times."

I couldn't look at him. This broken, bloody version of Jonny isn't the version that I know and love. "Oh God," I silently said, not knowing I would be able to continue if something bad happens. "How am I going to live with myself?"

For couple of minutes, I listened to the continuous beeping from the heart beat monitor and the sound of oxygen getting pumped and out of his lifeless body. I squeeze his hand hoping falsely that doing so would wake him back up.

"I... I remember," I said trying to contain my tears. "I remember saying that I wasn't walking around like I was all that, but you quickly recounted, 'The thing about this league is that you don't get here unless you are one of the best. No one, and almost all of the guys here will tell you, will believe how good you are until you show it on the ice. You may have been the first overall pick, congrats, but here that doesn't matter. Just be yourself and lose that ego of yours. And don't tell me that you don't have one. Show me, show the team that.'"

"You just put your headphones on. I guess you said what you wanted to say, and didn't want to hear about how much I didn't have a ego. Just so you know, I didn't have that big of an ego, okay. I was just being confident." I couldn't help but to chuckle at that. I knew that he was right.

"But that conversation didn't just end there. I know that it didn't, but you didn't make it seem like we was continuing that topic. You are really good at doing that."

I quickly wiped the tears from my face. "After the first game, we was in the changing room. Somehow we had stalls right next to each other. We won my first game, and I was glad, but you quickly popped the head of mine by saying, 'You know that I scored with my first shot in the NHL.'"

"I was annoyed that you said that. I knew you wasn't intentionally bragging, and of course I knew that you accomplished that. I didn't quite get what you was trying to tell me, but I think I know now. You was trying to tell me that I can only say how good I am through what I accomplished not what I hope to. Even when was both considered babies in the league, you knew more about how to act than veterans."

"I can honestly say, however, that I never thought at that moment that we would actually become friends or boyfriends. Actually, you pissed me off so much. I tried to avoid even being around you, but for some reason, the team never let that happened. I have a feeling that you had something to do with that."

"Jonathan," I said from my heart. "Come back to me. I don't think that I'm going to be able to survive without you. I need you; I love you!"

I kissed his hand before I laid my head on the bed beside him. "Come on, Jonny, stay with me. Everyone is coming. If you're not going to wake up for me that's fine, but wake up for them."