Please Stay (Kazer)

Remember When

"2010, what an amazing year that was. Yes, of course I mean that we won the first Stanley Cup, but that year itself was so special. It was the year that we found out we love each other, that we kissed, had fun at night, and just was happy."

"If we fully would tell our story, you would have to go back to the game against the Canuck in the January, I believe. We had an extremely bad lose. I think that we only scored one goal. You was your usual grumpy losing guy, and I was my usual annoyed losing self. That's one of the first, and only, things that I figured that we had similar. We hated to lose, but honestly, who doesn't?"

"Anyway," I trailed on. "I unfortunately was stuck being your roommate for road trips back then. I hated loses almost as I hated being your roommate. That night was no different than a normal night. You instantly stripped out of your suit before the hotel door even closed. You hated being in those death contraction."

"That night I stripped pretty fast too, but I had to quickly throw some sweats on since you like to be in a room that was barely 40 degrees. You always laughed when you see me pile on the sweats."

"This night, however, you didn't go right to bed or turned on the T.V. You just sat on your bed thinking. To me, this was weird for me to see. You always think when you watch the T.V. or try to sleep, but you never just sat there thinking."

"I didn't know what to do, so I just climbed into my bed, looking at my phone. But you didn't let me do that for that long. 'Pat,' you said. That caused me to drop my phone and look at you. 'Do you think that you'll ever find somebody that you love?'"

"'I don't know. Maybe one day,' but that wasn't enough for you. You wanted to say something more, but you couldn't bring yourself to do that quite yet. I didn't know why, but you just didn't want to. You quickly went to bed after that, but I knew that you didn't fall asleep right away. I didn't either."

"The thing that you didn't know was that I lied to you. I found somebody that I loved, but I was too scared at that moment to tell them that I loved them. I thought you was going to judge me and rat me out to the team. Then, everything would be ruined. I couldn't risk that, but I guess that's what went through your own mind."

"Our deepest secrets was still hidden for another week or two. This time we was in St. Louis, and I know for a fact we won this game. We was on our way back to the hotel, and I was exhausted, so I feel asleep on your shoulder. The guys sure did give us crap because of that, but I didn't care. You found that whole thing funny, but I guess secretly that you wanted me as much as I wanted you."

"When we got to our room that night, it wasn't you who decided to say something about our feelings. I was so nervous that I thought about going to bed, but I didn't think that I could hid my feelings any longer."

"'So Jonny,' I said sheepishly. 'Do you ever feel like that you don't belong in a stereotype that's everyone thinks that you should belong to?' I don't know what drove me to say that, but it was what came out."

I took a deep breath and sadly smiled. "I remember that you smiled for some reason when I said that, but I quickly found out why. 'Eh, stereotype, that's a big word. When did you learn what that means?' I knew that you was joking, so I let it slip."

"For some reason, you knew exactly what I meant when I said that. 'Are you talking are sexually or something else?'"

"I didn't know what to say to that. You backed towards a wall, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get out of this. 'Yes' I gloomily said looking down at my hands."

"Your reaction wasn't something that I was expecting. 'Patty, I feel like that, too.' You looked so relieved. I didn't even notice, however, how you was making your way over to me. I didn't even realize that you was going to kiss me until our lips met. I didn't know that you had the same feelings that I had until our body clashed together."

"That kiss was no longer than ten seconds, but that little kissed started our. From that moment, we wasn't teammates anymore, we was boyfriends. We lived in the shadows, but that was okay with me as long as I had you. Now, I don't even have you."

I looked at Jonny, laying in his white bed, making sure that he was alright. He was, thankfully. "As the year continued, life was great. We was playing great hockey, enjoying our young days, and was deeply in love with each other. I don't think I could ask for more, except for the Stanley. With that, the year was complete."

"When I scored that final goal in Philly, other that worrying if the goal was in, all I could think about was celebrating with you. We haven't told our families quite yet, but we wanted to wait for when the offseason came."

"Both of us was extremely happy and celebrated with our families and team, for a little bit. Both of us was a lot ansty, at least the team was occupied with their drinking. That gave us time to sneak to the closet across the hall. What we did was the best way to celebrate."

"I wish we could have been together when we had our days with the cup, but there was too much media and our families still didn't know. I did miss you so much for those couple of weeks. I remember thinking how it was a miracle that I survived without you."

"Pretty soon, we..." I was cut off from what I was going to say because of Jonny's life machine started loudly beeping erratically. I jumped up from the chair, being scared to death. NO!

The door quickly opened and flooding with running doctors and nurses. I wanted to stay in there to make sure that my Jonny was alright, but couple of the nurses hastily pushed me out of the room and closed the curtain in front of the window so I couldn't watch.

I felt like my life was just about to end. Jonny, please be alright. Jonny, please don't die and leave me. I unknowingly found a chair and collapsed into it crying.