Please Stay (Kazer)

Until Death Due Us Part

"Patrick, what do you want to do today? We can go out and pretend to be close friends, or we could just stay in?" Jonny asked me as he snugged up next to me in our bed.

I couldn't help but to laugh at him. "I only want to be with you so I don't care where we are." It was very cheesy to say that, but it was one hundred percent true.

The next thing that I knew was that Jonny was laying on top of me giving me hundreds of little kisses all over my face. That just continued until we both burst out laughing. "I love you, Patty," he said giving me one final kiss before he sat up to get out of the bed.

"Love you too," I said holding onto his hand so he couldn't leave. "Why don't we stay in bed all day. We have so long until we have to get up to make it on the plane."

"Okay." He snuggled next to me. "So, what did you dream about?"

"It was just a nightmare. We don't have to worry about it anymore since I have you."

His brown eyes buried themselves into me to try to detect a lie. "Are you sure that you don't want to talk about it?"

"Yes Jonny, I'm sure. Now, can we talk about something else?"

"Like what, Patty?"

"I don't know."

"Then we can't talk about something else, can we?" I quickly rolled my eyes at him. "Come on, you can't just shut me out! I don't think of you any different. I just want to help."

"What if I don't want help?"

Jonny sat up instantly and looked at me with worry. "You can't just shut down. Patrick, you do this every time something bad happens. It's not good for you. You can't let it effect you like that. Why don't you just tell me what is going on?"

"It was a nightmare. It wasn't anything. Can you leave me alone?" My voice was getting louder and louder. I pushed myself up quickly, but Jonny grabbed my wrist before I could run out of the room.

"Where are you going?" he asked sternly.

I pulled my arm away before I walked into the bathroom and slammed the door. After locking the door, I decided to hop into the shower to try to calm down.

Why can't I just tell him? Was I trying to protect myself or him? Why does he want to know so bad? I tried to answer those three questions as I just stood in the warm shower. I don't know how long I stood in there, but it didn't feel long enough.

Just in my towel, I ventured out into our bedroom hoping that Jonny wasn't there, and he wasn't. I slowly got changed into some sweatpants and a Blackhawk t-shirt.

When I left the room, I couldn't hear anything else in the apartment. I decided that I wanted some food, so I walked toward the kitchen.

As I walked past the living room, I saw Jonny sitting there in actual clothes reading one of him books. I didn't pay much attention since I wanted food, but I did see him look up at me. I turned my head hoping that he will drop what happened before.

After I grab a bowl of cereal that Jonny disapproves of, I go out to the living room and sit across the room from a silent Jonny.

Both of us glanced at each other periodically, but we didn't say a thing to each other. I turned on the T.V., and we spent most of the day in an uncomfortable silence.

"You do know that you can trust me, right?" Jonny finally asked.

"Yes Jonny, I know."

"Then why don't you? You never tell me anything bad that goes on in your mind. I want to be there for you, but I can't when you won't let me."

I could see the frustration on his face, but he knows that I can be very stubborn. "Jonathan, I know that you are worried, but don't be. I'm fine. I don't know why you are blowing this whole thing out of proportion!"

"I'm not blowing this out of proportion, Patrick! I can tell that something is not right! You woke up screaming and crying last night. Something is a matter!"

"It was a nightmare! It's gone and forgotten!"

"Not when this has been happening for a week now! Patrick, we are about to go on the road! Do you want to start crying and screaming there, where our teammates can hear that type of thing?"

"That won't happen."

He took a deep breath like it was supposed to help him control his growing anger. This happens so much that I can tell his little ticks. Our fights are never that lengthy; they are more letting off steam than anything else.

"You're acting like a giant fucking baby!" he yelled at me.

"Oh," I yelled acting like it hurt. "Then what are you fucking doing, Mr. Crybaby!"

"I'm not a crybaby!" He threw a pillow at me since that was the closest thing by him. "You are just a stupid idiot! Why would I ever love you!"

"I have no fucking clue, Jonathan. Why don't you tell me!" I yelled back at him, throwing the pillow over at him.

The next thing I know, he gets up and walks out of the apartment. "Remember to make the plane!" I yelled after him, but I knew that he didn't hear me.

The next thing I know was that I'm on the plane getting a call from the hospital. Jonny got hurt, the love of my life got hurt, and I wasn't there for him!

I must have been sleeping because the next thing I realize was I was on a plane with my head on the window. I looked over to my other side seeing my mom and dad was sitting next to me.

This was the first time that I slept since his death. Somehow the realization hit harder than it had before. I can't sleep and risk seeing him again. He really is gone, and I can't stand having more reminders of that fact.

I just need an escape from all of this!